Parenting: Introverted Children

By: Yael Berger

Initially, one might assume that it is certainly easier to raise an introvert than an extrovert. In theory, introverted children demand less attention and less maintenance than extroverted children. An introvert can also be viewed as being more self-contained, which in turn can be thought of as a calmer child, than an extravert. However, it is not necessarily the case that introverted children are easier to raise.

In actuality, the child’s level of extroversion has less to do with the ease of parenting than one might think. What really determines how hard it will be to raise a particular child is the level of similarity between the parents or parents and the child. If the parent and child share a similar constitution, it will be easier for the parent to determine the child’s needs, even if he or she is not exceedingly verbal about them. Conversely, if the parent and child have very different natures, it might be nearly impossible for the parent to decipher what the child’s needs are.

If the parent and child differ in disposition, it may also cause negative feelings toward the child in the parent. Because parents usually believe that their lifestyle is the “right” one, they will be inclined to try to change their child’s personality, which does not work and is damaging to the child and his or her relationship with the parent. For example, if the parents of introverted children attempt to raise them to be an extrovert, they will feel as though the person closest to them is rejecting who they truly are, resulting in feelings of shame. Once there is a barrier between parents and their children, it can make a child more susceptible to anxiety and depression later on. Because children are essentially incapable of affirming their worth internally, they must feel validated by their parents in order to feel nurtured and accepted.

In conclusion, it is best for the parents to attempt to parent children differently depending on their individual differences, as opposed to the common view that one form of parenting is the best form. In order to raise a happy and well-adjusted child, parents should understand and learn their children’s needs and level of introversion before forming a parenting style. For example, introverted mothers have to remind themselves to provide their extraverted child with more social contact than an introverted child. To have the best relationship with their children, parents should try not to have unreasonable expectations and understand their children’s personalities first. The way a family parents could shape the development of their children and impact their lives.

If you are someone you know appears to be suffering from issues linked to parenting, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)368-3700 or (212)722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit



Recommended Book: Nurture by Nature by Paul D. Tiegar


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