Leaving an Abusive Relationship

By: Emily Ramos

Note: Abuse is not sex-linked. Just as men can abuse women, women can abuse males, and vice-versa. This article applies to everyone who is a victim of abuse.

Why do people stay in abusive relationships if they are unhappy? It is easy to put the blame on victims for choosing to remain with their abuser when you don’t know the extent of what they are going through.  Many times they worry their attacker will do one of the following if they end up leaving:

  • stalk and harass them
  • kill them
  • hold their children hostage
  • kill their pets
  • threaten to commit suicide

It would be easier for someone to leave if they were guaranteed protection from their assailant like a witness protection program. Luckily there are restraining orders that can be filed on behalf of the victim and their loved ones. Here are some helpful tips if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship:

  1. Make sure you have a strong support system. The more people you have to provide moral and emotional support the more likely you are to follow through with leaving.
  2. Pack your things. Actions speak louder than words, saying you plan to leave is not the same as actually leaving. If you continue to hold off, the situation will only get worse. Abusive relationships never get better and, in some instances, end in death. Taking steps now will improve your chances of being able to escape. If you don’t already have one, open a savings account in your name. Start to put together personal items and important documents that you can leave with a trusted friend and make sure these items won’t get noticed it’s missing.
  3. IF you decide to end the relationship in person, make sure it is done in a public setting. Let your friends know where you are meeting and have someone close by waiting to make sure it all goes according to plan. Also, bring your cellphone and have the number of a local domestic violence shelter on speed dial in case of an emergency.
  4. DO NOT STAY IN CONTACT. Any attempt on the part of your abuser to reach out to you is just their way of manipulating you into taking them back. Agreeing to meet in person is very dangerous.
  5. NEVER assume you’re safe just because you successfully left. Make sure you have a backup plan for every possible scenario that may arise. Avoid participating in the same routines as previously or going to places you previously frequented. Make sure you never do things alone and switch all your social media to private (tell your family and friends to do so as well).
  6. Instead of changing your number, get an alternate number and only give it out to people you trust. Keep your old one and let all calls go straight to voicemail; this will give your abuser the impression that it is still your current number. Save any threatening e-mails, texts, or letters as evidence in case you need to get a restraining order in the future.

By taking the right precautionary steps, you can safely leave your relationship and live a better life.

If you or a person you know is struggling with an abusive relationship, it may be beneficial to have them contact a mental health professional and receive therapy for their illnesses. The psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists at Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services can help.  Contact the Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

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Cause of ADHD

Isabelle Kreydin

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactive disorder. It’s typical symptoms are easily distracted, has trouble organizing tasks, is forgetful, fidgets, squirms, or is restless, talks excessively or has trouble staying quit, always seems on the go, and sometimes can be impulsive and act without thinking or interrupt.

It’s really important to educate oneself about this disability because despite hard work and great efforts, it may be hard to stay focused on a certain goal and it may be difficult to be around students and coworkers whom can function normally without their body and brain working in a different function to distract them.

ADHD is frequently confused for being caused by external environments. However, it is the result of low or imbalance levels of chemicals in the brain, specifically neurotransmitters. The two specific neurotransmitters that are implicated in ADHD are dopamine, and norepinephrine. These specific chemicals that carry messages in the brain are related to hyperactivity, inattention and impulsiveness.

Fortunately, there has been medications made that are known to work to avoid consequences associated with the symptoms of ADHD, such as poor academic performance, difficulty in academic performance, trouble in peer relationships, low self-esteem, etc.

These medications target these neurotransmitters and allow ones to control their symptoms better throughout the duration of the day. They are best combined with learning strategies and behavior modification, in the school, home, and academic environments. It’s important to try the medicines and see which one is best to help, since everybody’s chemical makeup is different and has a different reaction to certain medicines. Examples of these are Adderall and Mydais.

If you or a person you know is struggling with a narcissistic personality disorder, or any personality disorder, it may be beneficial to have them contact a mental health professional and receive therapy for their illnesses. The psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists at Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services can help.  Contact the Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Anxiety: Exposure Therapy Helping Teens Combat Anxiety

By Hannah Pierce

Exposure therapy is a cognitive-behavioral therapy technique in which a person is exposed to a feared object or situation to overcome their anxiety. A majority of researchers and clinicians believe that exposure therapy is the most effective treatment for many anxiety disorders. One study even found that people improved more using this technique than taking antidepressants.

Although exposure therapy is proven to be very effective, it is not frequently used with teens. Many teens suffering with anxiety are prescribed medication rather than receiving therapy. It is difficult for people to consent to exposure therapy because they do not want to do something that will make them feel even more anxious.

One article documented teens’ experiences with exposure therapy. A 14-year-old suffering from social anxiety, depression, OCD, and binge-eating agreed to tackle his social anxiety through exposure therapy. On a busy college campus he sat on a bench next to a stranger and initiated a conversation. To some people this may seem simple but to a teen suffering from social anxiety, the task is very daunting. He sat on the bench and tried to talk to the stranger but the stranger just kept texting and playing with his phone. Although the exchange did not turn into a conversation, at least the teen faced his fear and realized it wasn’t that bad.

Another teen’s exposure involved him holding a sign that read “I’ve been bullied. Ask me.” Thomas hoped to combat his anxiety while also educating people on bullying. Most students on the campus walked by him without giving him a second glance. After a while, a couple stopped to talk to Thomas. The man empathized with him, sharing that he had been bullied as well and the woman applauded Thomas for his bravery.  After the exchange Thomas was very pleasantly surprised and realized he did not have much to be so anxious about.

If you or someone you know may be experiencing anxiety, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Please contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment, or visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com for more information.

Source: “The Kids Who Can’t” by Benoit Denizet-Lewis

Alcohol Abuse: Binge Drinking

By Hannah Pierce

Binge drinking is the most common and deadly form of alcohol abuse in the U.S. but it is also preventable. It is defined as drinking to bring a person’s blood alcohol concentration to 0.08 grams percent or above. This usually occurs when a woman consumes four drinks and a man consumes five drinks in two hours.

Binge drinking can happen across a lifespan but it is most common among people between the ages of 18 and 34. Many high school and college students below the age of 21 report binge drinking on occasion. It is a form of alcohol abuse that is “drinking to get drunk” rather than just having a couple drinks.

Binge drinking is associated with many health problems including:

• Alcohol poisoning
• Unintentional injuries (car accidents, falls, burns)
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Cancer (breast, mouth, liver, esophagus, colon)
• Memory and learning problems
• Poor pregnancy outcomes (miscarriage, stillborn, fetal alcohol syndrome)
• Alcohol dependence

Binge drinking can be prevented by:

• Increasing taxes on alcohol and other pricing strategies
• Limiting the number of places that sell alcohol
• Restricting the hours that alcohol can be sold
• Holding retailers responsible for harms caused by illegal distribution of alcohol to minors or customers who are inebriated
• Consultation and counseling for alcohol abuse

If you or someone you know may be binge drinking or abusing alcohol, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Please contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices at (201)368-3700 or (212)722-1920 to set up an appointment, or visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com for more information.
https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/binge-drinking.htm

Anxiety & Stress: The Effect on College Students

By: Amy Griffith

     There is no denying that college students are under extreme amounts of stress. Earlier this year, 19-year-old Madison Holleran, a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania, jumped from a parking garage to her death due to stress. She gave no outwards signs of being suicidal, making plans to meet friends for dinner and posting an Instagram picture of Rittenhouse Square an hour before her death. This is a clear indication that regardless of how successful one is, stress and anxiety can affect anyone.

     According to the survey, “The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2010,” which involved more than 200,000 incoming full-time students at four-year colleges, the percentage of students rating themselves as “below average” in emotional health rose. Meanwhile, the percentage of students who said their emotional health was above average fell to 52 percent. It was 64 percent in 1985 (NY Times). The second leading cause of death among college students is suicide, which counts for approximately 1,100 deaths on campuses per year. The first leading cause of death is accidents (drinking and driving and overdoses), which could potentially be linked to depression and anxiety as well (Business Week).

     Some of the outward signs of stress are: feeling continuously anxious and nervous, gastrointestinal issues, aches and pains, sleep issues, frequent illness, high blood pressure, feelings of withdrawal from friends and family, and frequent headaches. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, feel free to contact Arista Counseling and Psychological Services at (201) 368-3700 to set up an appointment with a mental health professional in Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY.

Sources:

University of Pennsylvania track star jumped to death over grade

Record Level of Stress Found in College Freshmen

Stress Takes Its Toll on College Students

Stress: Relieving Stress – Bergen County, NJ

Stress

By: Kimberly Made

Living in a fast paced world where sometimes it’s hard to even catch our breath, it’s easy to see why so many people seem to be overwhelmed by stress.  

Many are shocked to learn that stress is actually your body’s way of protecting you. When your body senses danger, it releases hormones meant to prepare you to take action. For example, in a stressful situation, adrenaline is produced and pumped through your body. The tone in your muscles increases, preparing you to jump into action at any moment. Your heart rate speeds up so blood can flow more rapidly through your tissues. You might realize that when you’re under stress your breathing speeds up. This is because your body is trying to make more oxygen readily available to you in the event of a crisis. Even your thinking speeds up during stressful times to prepare you to plan your way out of any situation that may arise.

As helpful as these changes might be when danger is lurking, they might not be as useful otherwise. Here are some helpful tips for keeping your stress under control:

  1. Take some time to do something that you find relaxing. Whether it’s reading a book, watching a movie, or just spending time with your friends, it is important to take time away from daily hassles and focus on yourself.
  2. Take a deep breath. This sounds easy enough, right? Taking a deep breath can help you to put everything on pause for a moment and become calm.
  3. Exercise.  Whether it’s going out for a daily jog, taking up yoga, or riding a bike, exercise can help decrease your stress level.
  4. Meditate. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and try to go to your “happy place”. Try to envision all the scenery, smells, and sounds of your favorite place.
  5. Think positively. You know what they say: “Laughter is the best medicine.” Finding the humor in a nerve-racking situation can not only take your mind off of the situation, but it gives you the opportunity to step back and put things into perspective. This can often help find a solution to whatever may be the stressor at the time.

If you are following these steps and still find yourself struggling to regulate your stress, feel free to contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists for an evaluation.

Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920

More detailed information can be found at http://www.acenterfortherapy.com

 

Sources:

Bressert, S. (2006). Stress Management Basics. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/stress-management-basics/000756

Ponton, L. (2006). 20 Tips to Tame Your Stress. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/20-tips-to-tame-your-stress/000102

Tartakovsky, M. (2011). 6 Ways to Stress Less at Work. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-to-stress-less-at-work/0007478

 

Teenagers and Parents: Facilitating Understanding and Communication – Bergen County, NJ

Teens

By Irada Yunusova

Teenage years are a classic period of struggle for adolescents and parents. Between social and academic pressures, individuals are forced to make decisions that they may not feel entirely comfortable making. Although the human brain is not considered fully developed until approximately 25 years old, teenagers are held accountable for their decisions.  For a parent, it may be difficult to find a balance between providing a teenager with freedom or assistance. Compassion and understanding may be key for working through issues and pressures together.

In order to better understand how to help your son or daughter, it is important to first understand what he or she is going through. Beginning in Middle School years, teenagers may come into contact with drugs and alcohol, regardless of their friend groups. Sexual pressures also arise, even in the form of advances from friends. Although it is impossible for a parent to make his son’s and daughter’s decisions, it is important that there is a safe, open environment at home that facilitates honest discussion of issues. In the 21st century, teenagers are also constantly exposed to social media, and it is important that they understand social media privacy and safety issues. Parents are encouraged to remain understanding, but to set fair boundaries, such as “no texting during dinner.” The life of a teenager may be complicated by technology and drugs, but discussion and trust are important tools.

Teenagers also feel numerous pressures from academics, clubs, and work. Teens may feel as though excellence is demanded and anything sub-par is simply inadequate. According to recent studies, the average teenager chooses paid work over studying, even if they are not dependent on that extra income, and chooses technology over sleep. Parents can assist their sons and daughters with time management, providing them with the freedom to make their own decisions within certain confines.

It seems as though open communication is at the heart of most solutions for dealing with teenagers, however communication can be a challenge in itself. It’s suggested to “just listen and sympathize.”  Parents also have to remember that even if their teen seems to roll their eyes, slam the door, or rebel in some way, they still need his or her parents. Gaining independence is a part of growing up, and sometimes distancing oneself from parents is required. However, compassion and unconditional love will ensure that he or she will come back to you when they need advice, attention, or simply love.

If you are finding communication with your teenager challenging, feel free to contact Arista Counseling & Psychological Services at 201-368-3700 to set up an appointment with a mental health professional in Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY.

Resources:http://www.webmd.com/parenting/teen-abuse-cough-medicine-9/behavior-problems?page=1

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201407/inside-the-teenage-brain/4-areas-challenge-all-teens-today

Profile Photos: How accurate are our first impressions? – Bergen County, NJ

profile picture

By Irada Yunusova

“First impressions count.” “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Both of these seemingly reasonable, yet somewhat conflicting, sayings instruct us on how to evaluate others. With the widespread use of social media and dating websites, our first impressions of others are often formed from a small two by two photograph, which we often assume tells us the whole story. Are we wrong?

Psychology researchers recently considered the impact of a profile photograph’s impression on the way individuals are evaluated.  Alexander Todorov’s research team at Princeton University presented participants with an online survey to view headshots of individuals and then rate them on personality characteristics, including attractiveness, competence, creativity, cunning, extraversion, meanness, trustworthiness, and intelligence. The photographs were all taken in similar lighting, but some dimensions of the headshots were varied, such as facial expressions. Researchers found that the participants’ personality ratings changed as drastically for virtually any changes in photos of the same person as much as if it were a photograph of a completely different person.

In another study with a similar interest, participants rated headshots of individuals with different contexts. Scenarios varied vastly, with some photos claimed to be used for an online dating profile, while others were auditions to play a movie villain, and some were of people allegedly running for political office. Preference for pictures of the same individual varied based on the context, further demonstrating the fault in our impressions of profile photos.

Both studies also considered the time it took for individuals to make a personality judgment based on a profile picture. Shockingly, preferences for specific images developed after a fraction of a second. Perhaps the saying “first impressions count” should be revised to account for the immediacy of our decision-making.

Although the ability to make decisions quickly is a vital biological advantage, it is important to remember that not all quickly drawn conclusions are accurate. Often times, the conclusions people draw of others are barely based in reality. Facial expressions, context, and various other dimensions of a photograph can color our perception of the individual’s personality. Instead of basing assumptions solely on a headshot, it is important to try to see the whole picture.

References:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/neuronarrative/201407/your-profile-photo-is-liar?tr=MostViewed

Relationship Advice: What Behaviors to Avoid on a First Date – Bergen County, NJ

date

By Irada Yunusova

            First impressions, first dates, and first kisses are all very exciting. However, the goal of a successful relationship may not be realized if the first date does not go as smoothly as desired. Some people who may struggle with relationships do not realize that certain behaviors they engage in during their first date may be the source of the problem. Avoiding the undesirable behaviors discussed below, drawn from patient’s shared experiences, may lead to greater success on first dates.

 Over complimenting your date may make them believe you think little of yourself or that you are fishing for compliments.

  1. Not being able to accept a compliment may come off as having low self-esteem or fake humility. Do not sabotage or minimize compliments by saying “Oh, please I’m hiding a lot under this dress” or “I need to work out more.”
  2. Over-planning can create unrealistically high expectations that make the real date less satisfying. Also, getting upset over a date not going as planned may make you come across as controlling or neurotic.
  3. Drinking excessively is a major turn-off. Although alcohol is considered a social lubricant, over-consumption or consumption of drinks with high alcohol content may distort the way you want to portray yourself by influencing your actions and by giving off the impression that you are not well put-together.
  4. Being clingy turns off the other individual on the date. Instead of texting the date immediately or over-touching during the date, living in the moment and allowing the relationship to progress organically is much more effective.

 Relationships are a vital aspect of life. If you are struggling with dating or relationships, you might find helpful guidance by contacting a mental health professional at Arista Counseling & Psychological Services in Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY. Feel free to contact us for a free phone consultation at 201-368-3700 or 212-996-3939 in order to set up an appointment with one of our licensed therapists, counselors, psychologists, or psychiatrists.

 Sources: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/08/first-dates-are-you-scaring-them-away/

Dear Journal – Bergen County, NJ

Diary

By Laine

Keeping a diary can be beneficial for a variety of purposes. It is often referred to as “expressive writing” and is a great therapeutic self-help technique. Diaries are easy, convenient, and inexpensive. They are available as your companion any time and any place.

One of the uses of a journal is goal setting. Many professionals have found that putting down your goals in writing increases the likelihood that you will follow through to achieve them. Written records feel concrete, as opposed to thoughts, which seem abstract. The more detailed you are about your goals the better.

On the other hand, journals may be used as a safe space to share private thoughts. For instance, it may be healing to write about negative aspects of life or feelings that are concerning you. After some time you may be able to recognize thought patterns, or emotions consistently resulting from specific settings or scenarios. You can try to embrace those that give you positive feelings and minimize those that evoke negative feelings.

Furthermore, after experiencing trauma many people hesitate to tell anybody about the occurrence. This may be due to fear of reliving the experience or the shame and embarrassment of admitting what happened. If you are not ready to tell your story aloud, try writing it down. This is a private way to let out your feelings and avoid bottling up distress. This can be used as a steppingstone which can help you to gain the courage to eventually share your story with another person.

In certain cases the act of writing may be cathartic, especially when releasing negativity. Some people do not go back to re-read their entries, but simply feel better after completing them. Other times with positive entries, reviewing your previous writing can motivate you, and keep your optimism high.

A psychotherapist is a great resource if you need to share what is recorded in your journal, or are ready to discuss a concern or trauma. If you are in Bergen County, New Jersey, feel free to call 201-368-3700 to find out more information or make an appointment with one of our own licensed professional counselors, therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists.