Narcissism

Narcissism 

Narcissism

By: Julia Keys

It is common in today’s world to call someone who is very clean “OCD”, or someone who is very active “ADHD”, or someone who is overly confident a “narcissist”.  What many people do not know is that narcissism is not an adjective to describe someone’s personality, but a real psychiatric diagnosis. The DSM IV identifies narcissism as a personality disorder. Personality disorders are characterized by a set of rigid traits, thoughts, and behaviors that are unhealthy and inflexible. Narcissistic personality disorder or (NPD) is characterized by an overinflated sense of self, preoccupation with personal success, and apathy for other’s emotions.

Signs of narcissistic personality disorder:

  • Grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty.
  • Belief that one is unusually special or unique
  • Need for excessive admiration
  • Strong sense of entitlement
  • Exploitative of others
  • Lacks empathy
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
  • Frequent display of arrogant or haughty behavior

Although people with NPD display an arrogant and larger-than-life picture to the outside world, they can also suffer from low self-esteem internally. The constant need for approval and obsession with success can be stressful because in reality, one will never gain approval from everyone and one will never achieve everything they want.  Trouble with interpersonal relationships often results from the exploitative and apathetic behaviors that people with NPD believe will help them achieve their goals.

People with NPD can look like the perfect partner upon first meeting. They are often charismatic and appear to be very put together. However, being in a relationship with a person with NPD can be complicated and stressful. People with NPD lie frequently to get what they want, which can cause a breach of trust in a serious relationship. People with NPD rarely apologize because they lack the empathy to understand the point of view of their partners. Additionally, people with NPD think that they are perfect and will dismiss others who have opinions contrary to theirs. Although people with NPD can be extremely difficult to live with, they can still be a loved one that you care about.

If you or someone you love has narcissistic personality disorder and is struggling with the symptoms, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ 

Sources:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201905/five-narcissistic-traits-harm-intimate-partner

Source for Picture:

https://www.google.com/search?biw=1391&bih=654&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=UenvXLaCJeWJggeP6ZHYAw&q=narcissus+myth&oq=narcissus+&gs_l=img.1.1.0j0i67l3j0j0i67l2j0j0i67l2.620.620..2327…0.0..0.69.69.1……0….1..gws-wiz-img.eaqpLt3PV-c#imgrc=fUnycKFz1Mb7jM:&spf=1559226710308

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Couples Counseling: The Benefits

By Stephanie Osuba

According to PsychCentral.com, there are many reasons why people chose to participate in couples therapy, as well as many reasons they don’t. The common reason couples usually don’t consider counseling is out of embarrassment or the stigma that surrounds the intimate details of one’s personal relationship. The stigma dictates that only people who are in a very broken state in their relationship can benefit from couples counseling. However, no relationship is perfect and sometimes even the most socially competent of us need the help of a professional. Psychologists can help couples identify key problems in the relationship in a structured way that acknowledges the feelings of both parties. Although it’s never easy to reopen past wounds, it is the only way to push through to a place of understanding with a partner. Sessions can also determine whether the relationship needs some fine-tuning, a complete rebuilding, or a separation of ways.

Here are some benefits of couples counseling:

  • Improved communication skills
  • Increase in emotional and physical connection
  • Life plan development
  • Resolving conflicts in a structured way
  • Building a healthy relationship ­– ultimately leading to individual growth as well

Common issues couples hope to resolve in therapy: infidelity, poor communication, financial issues, parenting or co-parenting, work and career, emotional and physical intimacy, separation or divorce, abuse, grief and loss, and life transitions.

If you or someone you know appears to be having marital problems, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Communication Differences Between Genders

 

By: Dianna Gomez

Where would the world be without communication? Whether it be conscious or unconscious, we communicate in one way or another with those around us every minute of every day. We communicate in the work place, in relationships, with our friends and family – sometimes even when passing by strangers walking down the street. You would think that with the amount of communicating we do as a human species on a daily basis, we would have it all down to a “ T ” by now but that is far from the truth. Every once in a while we experience miscommunication and other frustrations related to interacting with the people around us. In order to improve the quality of communication in one’s own life, it is important to begin by understanding the different methods of communication between each gender. There are so many fundamental differences regarding the way in which men and women behave and think when it comes to communication. On average, women tend to speak more than men and when each gender is communicating, they do so for different reasons and from different perspectives.

Here is a list of these differences:

  1. Reasons For Talking
  • Men believe that communication should always have a clear purpose. Whether there is a problem in need of a solution or a specific question needing an answer, men use communication to get to the bottom of any topic of conversation in the most efficient way possible. On the other hand, a woman views communication as a way to discover how she may feel about something. Women like to lay all the potential pros and cons out on the table and discuss each more thoroughly. When it comes to relationships, communication is a way in which women increase intimacy with their significant others. They share their thoughts to rid themselves of any negative feelings they may be having.

2. How Much Should Be Said

  • Similarly to the first point, men always put productivity and efficiency at the very top of their lists. When telling a story, men only share the details that are absolutely necessary to get to the point. Women tend to share as much detail as possible, even if it isn’t necessarily needed. This is often times why men may interrupt women half way through an explanation when they have already received the point that is ultimately trying to be made.

3. What Does It Mean To “Listen?

  • When a woman first initiates a conversation with a man, she assumes they are doing so to obtain some type of advice or assistance. They automatically think to themselves “what can we actually do about this?” From the woman’s perspective, having the conversation all on it’s own is a way of finding a solution to any problem. Women just want to feel like they are being heard and understood, and if they feel this is happening any problem will already feel partially solved.

Communication is so important in every aspect of our lives. Especially when it comes to having relationships with significant others, if these fundamental differences aren’t already understood, there will be many disagreements and arguments about things that there wouldn’t be otherwise. Regardless of what gender you are, the next time you find yourself feeling frustrated when communicating with the opposite sex, take a step back and try to see the situation from their point of view. If this is done over a long enough period of time, you will find that life will soon go a lot smoother in all areas of your life.

 

If you or anybody you know may be having trouble with communication or may be having relationship problems they can’t seem to resolve, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit us at http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

Relationships: Abusive Relationships: Why We Repeat the Past

“Why didn’t you just walk away?” “How could you let this happen to yourself again?” These questions are not uncommon for survivors of domestic abuse to hear. When a person has numerous maladaptive relationships, it leaves them and others baffled. Why on earth would someone put themselves in an abusive situation again? The answer to this lies in a psychological phenomenon called “repetition compulsion.” In repetition compulsion, a person either puts themselves into a situation where abuse is likely to happen again, or they reenact the past situation with another partner. Below are some theorized reasons why people repeat the past in their relationships.

  1. Change can be a scary or anxiety-provoking thing. Most of us stick to what we know, even if it means regularly dating partners who are physically and/or emotionally abusive.
  2. Some think that by putting themselves in the same situation, they can change the outcome this time. They think that they will be able to master this relationship, and this will make up for the last bad one.
  3. We might believe that if we act in just the right way, our partner’s behavior will change and they will treat us right.
  4. We begin to internalize the beliefs that we are unlovable and deserve to be mistreated.
  5.  Unconsciously or consciously, we seek out abuse from others due to conditioning.
  6. “Winning” an argument with an abusive partner may lead us to believe that we are able to do this again and the abuse will stop.

Despite how terrible the situation may be, know that you are not alone, there is help available, and there are resources to begin the healing process.

The psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Further reading: “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Source: Esposito, Linda. “Why Do We Repeat the Past in Our Relationships?” Psychology Today. Sussex Pulishers, 22 Mar. 2016. Web. 07 Apr. 2016

By: Scout H

Breakups: The 5 Stages of Moving On

Often, the end of a relationship can feel like a loss. In a second, lovers can turn into strangers and it is only natural to grieve over someone who played a significant part in your life. Although the path of moving on is different for everyone, here are five common stages that you might experience after breaking up.

  1. Denial. Our hearts play a big role in this stage, as we struggle to come to terms with the fact that our lives are about to drastically change. When the breakup is fresh, no one wants to think of having to start over and adjust to a life without their significant other. We often think of ways to get the person back or convince ourselves this is only temporary. You might even tell yourself the situation is a mistake and you and your partner will get back together soon.
  2. Anger. Once the reality begins to set in, we become angry with the situation and usually at our ex. “How could (s)he do this to me?” “I bet s(he) was cheating on me all along!” We might also become mad at our friends once hearing their opinions on the breakup. Although they might say some valid things, you are in no mindset to hear anyone who disagrees with you.
  3. Bargaining. To start, you could begin to bargain with your ex. “I’ll change”, “I’ll start being nice to your friends” or “You’re hurting the kids by walking away!” are some common things to say. People sometimes turn to a higher power and beg for the situation to be different.
  4. Depression. Now the reality has sunk in completely. You may feel like you do not want to leave your bed in the morning. You feel hopeless as if nothing will work out in the future now that this person is gone.
  5. Acceptance. Over time, you will acknowledge the loss and realize that you are slowly moving forward with your life. You might fall back into one of the previous stages, but remember that this is a process and you are taking things a step at a time.

 

If you’re struggling with a breakup or are having relationship problems, consider reaching out to the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722 1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Source: Kromberg, Jennifer. “The 5 Stages of Grieving the End of a Relationship.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, 11 Sept. 2013. Web. 10 Mar. 2016.

By: Scout H

 

 

Marriage Counseling Can Lead to Enhanced Communication and a Successful, Fulfilling Relationship

Marriage Counseling and Enhanced Communicaton

Marriage Counseling and Enhanced Communication

“Effective Conflict Resolution”

By: Jessica Ortega

Most people enter marriage with the intent of establishing a happy union with a life partner. Sadly, it is not always the case that everything works out as planned. As time passes, marital strife due to conflict begins to deteriorate the once happy union. When couples finally seek help, the relationship is sometimes so broken it is just too late. Everyone clashes due to the negative feelings from differences between two people; it is part of what it means to be together. However, it is important to know how to fight.

Couples with poor conflict resolution skills are not successful at solving problems and letting go. Here’s what to consider when problems arise so that you and your spouse can become marital masters:

  • Self-awareness: get to know yourself, your wants and needs and ask for them in a non-threatening way instead of expecting them from your partner.
  • Forgiveness: if you forgive yourself for any wrongdoing you or your spouse may have caused the marriage, you can be on your way to forgiving your partner and letting go.
  • Empathic listening and responding: express yourself in an honest way so that your partner preserves his/her self-image without invoking defensiveness.
  • Efficacy: expect a successful marriage. Have the idea that as a unit, you and your partner can get through difficult times.
  • Feedback: when necessary, provide positive feedback without attacking or invalidating your spouse.

Remember: having good relationships is a skill and marriage is one of the most important of those learned skills. If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may be having marital issues, the licensed counselors and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy can assist you. They have successfully helped many couples to get through hard times and achieve marital happiness. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

If You Haven’t Already Done So, Forgive Yourself

By: Dariana Taveras

Relationship Problems: Why Forgiving is the First Step

For thinking that you could be the one to save the pieces of whatever is left of your relationship…for holding on tightly despite the currents that are attempting to knock you down…for not taking responsibility for whatever it is that you felt like you did to ruin your relationship. Most importantly, forgive yourself for YOURSELF.

You may think that you want to forgive yourself for the sake of your partner. However, the reality is that the only way to work through your current issues is by acknowledging what went wrong and concentrating on repairing it. The idea is to shift away from self-inflicted excuses and punishments. Your relationship still has an opportunity to be saved if you are willing to be accountable for your actions and wish to work towards a common goal. If your goal is to remain by each other’s side, then the first inevitable step is forgiveness. Satisfaction within your relationship may significantly improve if you begin to have fewer negative feelings towards yourself and your current situation.

If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may be having relationship issues, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy can assist you. They have successfully helped many with marriage, pre-marital, and relationship issues. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

ADHD: Symptoms in Adults – Bergen County, NJ

adhd-problem-focus-400x400

By Irada Yunusova

Although the visual of a hyperactive kid bouncing around in his seat is the cliché often associated with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, the symptoms of ADHD may prevail into adulthood and arise in different fashions. The subtle signs of adult ADHD may be overlooked because many of the symptoms seem like ordinary inconveniences everyone must face, such as boredom and daydreaming. The extent and frequency of symptoms must be considered in order to diagnose individuals and improve the life functioning of afflicted individuals. Five indicators of adult ADHD are discussed below.

1. Dissatisfaction with Reading

Many adults with ADHD do not draw satisfaction from reading books because books require a lot of attention. They may notice themselves going through the motions of reading without actually taking in the information, causing them to miss details that prevent continued interest. Adults with ADHD may enjoy websites and magazines more because they do not required as much ongoing attention.

2.Interruption during Conversations

Although adults with ADHD understand the proper etiquette of conversations, where individuals take turns in listening and speaking, they may find the balance difficult. Many adults do not have the attention and working memory to hold a thought in their mind while simultaneously listening to someone speak. Interruption may appear to be the only solution to prevent forgetting one’s comment. Some individuals identified challenges with communication as a cause of their marital problems.

3. Hyperactivity

This common identifier may present itself differently across individuals. Adults often times may describe themselves as restless, on edge, or tense. Diagnosing ADHD may be complicated by the fact that not all individuals with ADHD are hyperactive. In addition, those who were hyperactive as children may no longer be as adults.

4. Challenges with Focusing

Individuals with ADHD may find it more difficult to keep their attention on a given task. This may make them reckless drivers, where occurrences of speeding and traffic accidents may be common-place. Adults may also find themselves struggling with career performance because noise and phone calls may be a source of distraction.

5. Difficulty with Organization and Task Completion

Adults with ADHD may have difficulty organizing and balancing responsibilities, such as bills, their job, and children. Individuals with ADHD may have trouble starting a task and often procrastinate both in their home and work environments. Distractibility and inattentiveness may lead to tardiness in the completion of tasks.

Although adults with ADHD may have struggled for years, identifying this problem may improve their chance of finding treatment as adults. A combination of therapy and medication can help improve daily functioning and life satisfaction. If ADHD is causing distress, contacting a mental health professional at Arista Counseling and Psychological Services in Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY may be the first step. Feel free to contact us for a free phone consultation at 201-368-3700 in order to set up an appointment with one of our licensed therapists, counselors, psychologists, or psychiatrists. Help is just a phone call away.

 

Sources:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/27/subtle-signs-you-may-have-adult-adhd/

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/10-symptoms-adult-adhd?page=2

Marriage & Relationships: Is your partner in love? – Bergen County, NJ

By: Davine Holness

how to tell if your partner loves you

Marriage & Relationships: What are some signs that can clue you in that your partner loves you?

Actions speak louder than words.  Couples and marriage partners often say they love each other, but how do they show it?  Here are some clues that have been found by psychological research to be signs of being in love.  People who are in love…

  1. Find time for each other.  They want to spend as much time with each other as they can.
  2. Ask each other about their day, keeping lines of communication open.
  3.  Trust each other, giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
  4. Provide help for each other when it’s needed
  5. Respect each other’s points of view, even if there is disagreement.
  6. Include each other in important decisions.
  7. Show affection and are emotionally intimate.  They show signs of physical closeness.
  8. Look at each other and enjoy each other’s presence.
  9. Reminisce together, reliving enjoyable moments.
  10. See the relationship as worth fighting for.
  11. Boost each other’s self esteem and make each other feel valued.

For help with any kind of relationship issues, feel free to talk to the experienced marriage and relationship counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 996-3939.

Source:

Krauss, S. (2014, March 15). 11 Ways to Tell if Your Lover Loves You. Retrieved June 9, 2014

Marriage Counseling – Love vs. Infatuation – Bergen County NJ

By: Davine Holness

Marriage: Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can help forge a healthy relationship

Marriage: Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can help forge a healthy relationship

One of the most beautiful feelings of the human experience is being in love.   However, many relationships have ended because people discovered that what they had thought was love was in fact merely its deceptive cousin: infatuation.  In any relationship, it’s important to know where you stand, and in amorous relationships this means finding out whether you’re truly in love or just infatuated with the other person.  While most people are infatuated with their love partners to an extent, it is important to understand which of the two forces is the basis of the relationship.  This knowledge can help you make wise decisions about commitments, and give you a better understanding of yourself and your partner.  Understanding the difference between love and infatuation will lead to a healthier, happier love life.

 

Infatuation is static: it is the passionate feeling when someone else is all you can think about.  It is when you are attracted to the person, and your priorities are built around them, but there is no shared growth or development.  When a relationship is based on infatuation, there is often little trust, loyalty, and commitment – the relationship isn’t a mutual give-and-take.  The key feature of infatuation is an unrealistic idea of who the other person is, and what the relationship will provide for your life.

 

Love, on the other hand is a dynamic process that involves shared emotion, trust and growth.  It’s constant consideration for the other person that leads to joint planning and decision making.   The important thing is knowing who the person really is, knowing that the relationship won’t be perfect, and loving them anyway. The relationship evolves as the individuals mature and needs change; the two parties work together in building a shared future.  Love is strong enough to outlast the ups and downs of life.

 

So how can you go about differentiating between love and infatuation?  Asking yourself the following questions can help you figure it out:

 

  • Are you truly happy?  Are you treated as a person of value?
  • Is there hope for a shared future?  Are the two of you thinking and planning as a couple rather than separately?
  • Is your life better because of your partner?
  • Are you foregoing your dreams for your partner, or are you restructuring your dreams to fit each other?
  • Does your partner’s mother know about you?
  • Most importantly: does the relationship bring out the best in each of you?

 

Telling the difference between true love and infatuation is not easy.  If you are working through this or other relationship/marriage issues, the Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services can help.  Call us to arrange an appointment with one of our marriage counselors, psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists.

 

Arista Counseling: (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920

Visit our website for more info: http://www.acenterfortherapy.com/