Good Grief: Part 3

By: Sam Reiner

(once again to understand what I am talking about read the first 2 parts)

Despite all your bargaining, you eventually realize that there is nothing you can do to stop or reverse what happened. With the realization that there is no escaping fate comes the desire to disconnect and retreat inward, which leads to stage 4: Depression. The sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and realize its effect on your life. This is when you will feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely and in the game, this can be seen at the Great Bay. It is here that you me Lulu, a Zora who has lost her egg, simply standing in silence gazing out to the sea. The loss of her eggs has caused her to retreat inward and become depressed, which is very common for people who have just lost a loved one.

However, as the old saying goes “This too shall pass.” Stage 5: Acceptance. This is when you finally accept the reality of your loss, and although you may still feel sad you can now begin to move forward with your life. In game, this is signified by the Land of the Dead, Ikana Valley. It is here that you meet Sharp, a ghost you help reach acceptance with his mistreatment of his brother. A very literal representation of acceptance, but a more symbolic example is the Stone Tower, where you climb up towards the heavens. As you climb you will also need to create 4 twin statues (one for each town) with the 4 being symbolic of the past 4 stages of grief. Much like these statues, during the stages of grief you feel dull and lifeless but they are essential in order for you to go through the grieving process. This is even shown in game as you must leave the statue behind when you go up to the next floor, symbolizing passing though the stages of grief. By leaving them behind you can make your way to the top in order to obtain enlightenment and then flip the tower putting the heavens at your feet, solidifying your acceptance. You even have to fight the Garo Masters, beings literally described as “Emptiness cloaked in darkness.” These are clear symbols to the internal battle between light and darkness on the road to acceptance and also shows your victory over the empty feelings that come with grief. By overcoming the darkness and emptiness inside you and reaching the top, you show that you have accepted the past and are ready to face the future.

And with that, we have reached the end of the 5 stages of grief. Now that you know what to expect when faced with grief, it now becomes a question of how long with it last? Unfortunately this is getting pretty long so I’m going to have to save that for next time.

If you or someone you know is grieving, contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

Advertisements

Good Grief: Part 2

By: Sam Reiner

(Read part 1 first to learn why I am talking about Zelda)

The 1st stage of grief is Denial. When you first learn of a loss it’s normal to think that it isn’t real or that it can’t be happening. It’s a way for you to deal with the torrent of overwhelming emotions. This is exactly what you experience in Clock Town, the 1st town in Majora’s Mask. In this game, you have 3 days to stop a giant moon from crashing down and destroying everything. However, even with this moon clearly inching closer every minute, no one seems to care. In fact, they are actually planning a carnival, openly laughing at the idea that the moon will fall. One person even goes as far to say that he’ll simply cut the moon to pieces with his sword.

Denial can only be temporary however, and when it is no longer possible you get angry. Stage 2: Anger. When reality starts to set in you may feel frustrated and helpless which later turn to anger, causing you to lash out at anything whether they deserve it or not. This is extremely prevalent in the game’s second location, Woodfall. Here you discover that the swamp has been poisoned, the Deku princess is missing, and the king is dead set on punishing a monkey who he believes kidnapped her. The problem is, the monkey is innocent. The king is just angry because of the poisoned swamp and his missing daughter and is lashing out at anyone.

Once the anger settles you then start to feel desperate which leads to stage 3: Bargaining. It’s during this stage you attempt to do anything that can either postpone or reverse the loss. In the case of Majora’s Mask, bargaining is on full display at Snowhead. Here is where the player encounters the Gorons, who are in the middle of mourning the recent loss of their chief, Darmani. Eventually you actually meet his ghost who then literally begs you to bring him back to life with your magic. This is a textbook example of bargaining as he is trying everything to delay the inevitability that is death. This can also be seen in the area itself. The paralyzing cold of Snowhead is basically a metaphor to how in this stage of grief you feel unable to move on, emotionally frozen. And for now, I’ll stop there, so for the next part we will be discussing the last two stages of grief.

If you or someone you know is grieving, contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Making Sense of the Present

By: Emily Mulhaul

As an outsider, sometimes it’s difficult to understand what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is and who gets to experience it and who doesn’t. To put simply, although we take in life’s moments with others around us, the emotional process is an individual experience, therefore anyone and everyone can at some point in their life experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder even if others around them are not experiencing it. The variation in emotional experiences is so fascinating that it is the primary interest of social psychologists who study the way we process, store, and apply information to diverse situations. That being said, multiple individuals can be in the same place, at the same time, identifying the same series of events, but will interpret the situation completely differently. Individual interpretations may fall anywhere under the seven universal facial emotions noted by the American Psychological Association (APA): disgust, anger, fear, joy, happiness, surprise, and contempt. Diversity in emotional reactions to situations is normal, but there are times where it becomes an area of concern. For example, imagine it’s around the fourth of July, you’re at the beach and unexpectedly fireworks commence. One individual (twelve year old) may express the utmost joy, surprise, happiness or some combination of the three, whilst another individual (war veteran) darts to hide behind a bush in a trembling state, fearing for his life. The discrepancy between the reactions of these two individuals, the twelve year old kid and the war veteran, are not reactions one must brush off as varying personalities. Due to the war veteran’s time spent at war, he may be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as an anxiety problem that develops in some people after extremely traumatic events. His reaction (anxiety) may have been triggered by an association of the loud bang of the fireworks with that of a loud bang of a gunshot (traumatic event) he heard in the past.

Although the presence of PTSD in war veterans is the most commonly talked about, it is one form of PTSD, not the only. Other instances that have concluded with the diagnosis of PTSD include individuals who have experienced sexual assault, domestic violence, car accidents, crime, natural disasters, bullying, breakups, loss of a loved one, etc. Considering the following experiences do not necessarily mean that PTSD will be present, the APA highlights some recognizable signs in either yourself or others who may be at risk or experiencing PTSD: “reliving the event via intrusive memories, flashbacks, and nightmares; avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma; and have anxious feelings they didn’t have before.” If these signs sound familiar, it is to the benefit of the individual to seek therapy with a licensed professional because there is hope to diminish negative emotions for a resurgence of positive emotions!

If you or a loved one is experiencing signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), experienced psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling are here to help. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.

Sources:

http://apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions.aspx http://www.apa.org/topics/ptsd/index.aspx

Relationships: Abusive Relationships: Why We Repeat the Past

“Why didn’t you just walk away?” “How could you let this happen to yourself again?” These questions are not uncommon for survivors of domestic abuse to hear. When a person has numerous maladaptive relationships, it leaves them and others baffled. Why on earth would someone put themselves in an abusive situation again? The answer to this lies in a psychological phenomenon called “repetition compulsion.” In repetition compulsion, a person either puts themselves into a situation where abuse is likely to happen again, or they reenact the past situation with another partner. Below are some theorized reasons why people repeat the past in their relationships.

  1. Change can be a scary or anxiety-provoking thing. Most of us stick to what we know, even if it means regularly dating partners who are physically and/or emotionally abusive.
  2. Some think that by putting themselves in the same situation, they can change the outcome this time. They think that they will be able to master this relationship, and this will make up for the last bad one.
  3. We might believe that if we act in just the right way, our partner’s behavior will change and they will treat us right.
  4. We begin to internalize the beliefs that we are unlovable and deserve to be mistreated.
  5.  Unconsciously or consciously, we seek out abuse from others due to conditioning.
  6. “Winning” an argument with an abusive partner may lead us to believe that we are able to do this again and the abuse will stop.

Despite how terrible the situation may be, know that you are not alone, there is help available, and there are resources to begin the healing process.

The psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Further reading: “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Source: Esposito, Linda. “Why Do We Repeat the Past in Our Relationships?” Psychology Today. Sussex Pulishers, 22 Mar. 2016. Web. 07 Apr. 2016

By: Scout H

Relationship & Dating Tips

First dates can be exciting, enjoyable, and can open up a wide range of possibilities. If you’re about to spend time with someone new, make sure you keep your eyes open for some red flags that may predict the fate of your relationship down the road.

  • If they pay more attention to electronics than to you during the first date, you can easily tell where their priorities are.
  • If they spend the majority of the time talking about themselves during the date, it is possible you might end up with a narcissist.
  • Disclosing how much they hate their job or friend or relative, especially on a first date, should make you apprehensive. This shows that they have a history of tumultuous relationships.
  • Talking about an ex or comparing you to an ex is a huge indicator that your date is still hanging on to the past.
  • Asking if someone is enjoying the restaurant/music/movie is fine. You might find yourself becoming uncomfortable with how many times you need to reassure them. However, asking many times throughout the night how things are going may be a sign of low self-esteem.
  • If during the date they disclose a view that is fundamentally different from yours, don’t ignore it! Having different opinions is fine, but if your core beliefs are too different, this could make for some serious clashing in a relationship.
  • Being unnecessarily rude towards the waiter, a parking attendant, or other person in front of you is never a good sign. If they blow up on people for small things, imagine how they’d treat you if they thought you did something wrong!

If you learn to recognize the red flags, you will be able to know when to call a first date your last date!

If you’re dealing with relationship problems, consider reaching out to the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722 1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Source: Degges-White, Suzanne. “13 First Date Red Flags.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, 31 Mar. 2016. Web. 01 Apr. 2016.

By: Scout H

Fighting With Your Spouse: How You Indirectly Effect Your Child

jo

Being in a relationship has its stresses, but what happens if those stresses are greatly affecting the people you love? Conflict is natural and should be discussed in private however sometimes we do not realize who is listening. It has been found that children who witness conflict between their parents experience more negative behaviors and emotions than that of the average child. These include: decrease in emotional security, feelings of defenselessness, increased aggression, increased distress, and hyperactivity. Parents are role models; their actions are closely observed and usually repeated by their child. There is a higher chance that the child will become easily upset and throw tantrums because that is what they consider to be a normal reaction. Fighting also relays the message to the child that intimacy involves conflict and turmoil, causing the child to stray away from future intimate relationships. Another lasting effect is misplaced guilt. If parents become hostile towards each other and coincidently the same day the child made a mistake or got in trouble, the child might blame him or herself for the altercation.

Interestingly, Brown University conducted a study involving 54 children and their sleep habits. This particular study also consisted of interviewing both parents and children about life at home and any conflicts that had occurred. Over a series of comparing family information and sleep habits, the team discovered that children witnessing moderate to severe conflict at home lost an average of 30 minutes of sleep per night. This loss of sleep can effect a child’s development especially at a young age.

Specialists highly recommend finding a solution by positively communicating with your partner in front of the child to teach that disagreement is normal and can be dealt with in a constructive way.

If you believe that you or a loved one has or may have conflicts with their spouse; the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Please contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment, or visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information

 

Sources: http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/effect-parents-fighting-kids-development-1032.html

http://news.healingwell.com/index.php?p=news1&id=530961

 

By: Jennifer Oscherician

 

How to Recognize a Sociopath

Sociopaths: devious, controlling, cunning. If you ever come across someone with this toxic antisocial personality disorder, it is important to know how to recognize the signs for your own personal safety. These people repeatedly disregard the feelings of others while seeking only to please themselves. They are unable to have the ability to organize their emotions and therefore have no shame about their actions, regardless of how it makes those around them feel. Often, they find internal gratification from hurting others. Below are some warning signs to help you identify a sociopath:

  • A discrepancy between what the person says, and what the person does
  • Making excuses for themselves when they are caught in a lie
  • Changing the subject when they are caught in a lie
  • Beating around the bush when asked questions about the lie you caught them in or not answering them directly
  • Knowing others’ vulnerabilities and manipulating them for personal gain
  • Ability to understand laws and rules, but being unable to understand emotionally why those rules are in place
  • No feelings of shame when they know they have hurt other people
  • Repeatedly putting themselves in situations which could get them arrested
  • Disregarding the safety of themselves or others
  • Constant irritability, hostility, and antagonism
  • Performing cruel and gruesome acts on animals

If these warning signs sound like they apply to yourself or someone you know, it is very important to start therapy. With the help of a medical professional, the combination of medication and psychotherapy can help people with this personality disorder.

The psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722 1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Sources:

“Sociopath X – ALL ABOUT SOCIOPATHS – Sociopathic Personality Disorder and Types.” D for Depression Depressive Psychological Disorders. Depression D, 2010. Web. 04 Mar. 2016.

By: Scout H

Breakups: The 5 Stages of Moving On

Often, the end of a relationship can feel like a loss. In a second, lovers can turn into strangers and it is only natural to grieve over someone who played a significant part in your life. Although the path of moving on is different for everyone, here are five common stages that you might experience after breaking up.

  1. Denial. Our hearts play a big role in this stage, as we struggle to come to terms with the fact that our lives are about to drastically change. When the breakup is fresh, no one wants to think of having to start over and adjust to a life without their significant other. We often think of ways to get the person back or convince ourselves this is only temporary. You might even tell yourself the situation is a mistake and you and your partner will get back together soon.
  2. Anger. Once the reality begins to set in, we become angry with the situation and usually at our ex. “How could (s)he do this to me?” “I bet s(he) was cheating on me all along!” We might also become mad at our friends once hearing their opinions on the breakup. Although they might say some valid things, you are in no mindset to hear anyone who disagrees with you.
  3. Bargaining. To start, you could begin to bargain with your ex. “I’ll change”, “I’ll start being nice to your friends” or “You’re hurting the kids by walking away!” are some common things to say. People sometimes turn to a higher power and beg for the situation to be different.
  4. Depression. Now the reality has sunk in completely. You may feel like you do not want to leave your bed in the morning. You feel hopeless as if nothing will work out in the future now that this person is gone.
  5. Acceptance. Over time, you will acknowledge the loss and realize that you are slowly moving forward with your life. You might fall back into one of the previous stages, but remember that this is a process and you are taking things a step at a time.

 

If you’re struggling with a breakup or are having relationship problems, consider reaching out to the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722 1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Source: Kromberg, Jennifer. “The 5 Stages of Grieving the End of a Relationship.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, 11 Sept. 2013. Web. 10 Mar. 2016.

By: Scout H

 

 

TBI: The Effects of Concussions on Athletes

The frequency and intensity at which athletes are sustaining traumatic brain injuries (TBI), commonly referred to as concussions, is rapidly increasing as the years progress. A TBI can be caused by any blow or bump to the head and/or skull that causes a change in brain function. Some of the risk factors associated with a TBI include: duration of playing time, evidence of previous head trauma, correct placement of protective gear, and the intensity at which a sport is played. With boxers and football players at the top of the list of athletes with concussions, therapists and researchers are beginning to take a closer look into the adverse effects sports have on an athlete cognitively and neurologically. It is estimated that approximately 20% of high school, collegiate, and professional boxers and football players suffer from a TBI at least once during the season. According to recent studies, 1 in 15 players with a TBI will have an additional TBI within the same season. Ultimately these successive injuries impair the recovery of cognitive and neurological abilities.

An individual with a TBI will suffer from a loss of consciousness resulting in complications such as headaches, a shortened attention span, trouble focusing, mood swings, and emotional outbursts. The result of sustaining successive TBIs can include limb impairment, difficulty speaking, or an inability to think critically. Athletes who are suspected of being concussed may experience prolonged anger, rage, and appear to be more violent and aggressive than normal. Additionally, tests such as the imPACT test can be run to ensure that an individual is performing cognitive tasks at a normal pace. These tests measure a person’s reaction speed and visual/verbal memory. It is encouraged that persons sustaining concussions receive medical attention immediately so that the individual’s symptoms do not escalate.

If you believe that you or a loved one has or may have been affected by a traumatic brain injury, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices respectively at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Sources: ninds.nih.gov

By: Alexis F.

Misophonia: When Silence is Golden

Do you catch yourself getting extremely angry when hearing someone chew food with their mouth open? Does being around another person whistling make you very annoyed? When another person clears their throat, do you feel so much discomfort that you desire to leave the room? If so, you might feel confused about your strong reaction to what so many others find trivial. Furthermore, if certain sounds elicit a negative emotional response, you may be suffering from misophonia.

So what exactly is this little-known condition? Less than 200,000 people per year report feeling moderate annoyance to full-fledged panicked in regards to certain “trigger” sounds. While there are countless “trigger” sounds, the main ones fall into seven categories. Below are a few examples from each category.

  • Mouth and Eating: Gum chewing and popping, wet mouth sounds, slurping, nail biting
  • Breathing/Nasal: Yawning, hiccups, sniffling, grunting
  • Vocal: Humming, words like “um” or “ah” used repetitively, singing, whispering
  • Environmental: Pen clicking, water bottle squeezing, TV through walls, dogs barking
  • Body Movement related: Finger snapping, knuckle cracking, tapping, eye blinking
  • Visual (not necessarily sound related): Hair twirling, leg shaking, fidgetingHaving such a strong aversion to selective sounds can be difficult to deal with around coworkers, family, friends, and loved ones.

Sometimes trigger sounds can be so overwhelming to the sufferer that they leave the room, get furious or upset with the person making the noise, or have a panic attack. Also, since there is not much awareness about the disorder, others might have a difficult time sympathizing.

While the causes or cures of misophonia have not been established, there exists a multitude of ways that one can manage their symptoms and triggers. If possible, change your environment so you are not surrounded by triggers. Educate the people around you about your condition so they can realize how you feel about certain noises. A variety of medications have been tried such as ones that treat anxiety and depression. Therapy has also been known to significantly help people cope with and understand their misophonia.

If you believe that yourself or a loved one has or may have issues with misophonia, anxiety, depression, or interpersonal problems, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

By Scout H

Sources:

Dion, Paul N. “Misophonia- Symptoms and Triggers.” Misophonia.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 17 Feb. 2016.

Dryden-Edwards, Roxanne, and Melissa Conrad Stoppler. “Misophonia.” MedicineNet. N.p., 27 Mar. 2015. Web. 17 Feb. 2016.

Lerner, Barron H. “Please Stop Making That Noise.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company, 23 Feb. 2015. Web. 17 Feb. 2016.