Relationships: The Impact of Attachment Styles

Relationships: The Impact of Attachment Styles

Relationships: The Impact of Attachment Styles

By: Julia Keys

Did you know that the way one develops an attachment to their mother as an infant has a profound effect on their adult relationships? Attachment styles were first studied in detail by the developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth in her experiment called “the strange situation”. In the strange situation, Ainsworth had a mother and a child play together for about three minutes and then the mother left the room. Next, a stranger would enter the room and play with the child for about three minutes and then they would leave. Finally, the child’s mother would re-enter the room and resume playing with their child. Ainsworth was most interested in observing the child’s behavior when their mother re-entered the room.

Upon careful examination, Ainsworth found three distinct patterns of behavior in infants when their mothers re-entered the room. If the child was upset, but then easily soothed by their mother upon re-entry, Ainsworth deemed them as having a secure attachment style. If the child was indifferent to their mother upon re-entry, Ainsworth would label them with an insecure avoidant attachment style. Finally, if the infant shows conflicting behavior upon the mother’s re-entry such as clinginess and then subsequent rejections of affection, Ainsworth would say they had an insecure ambivalent attachment style. Insecure ambivalent children are unpredictable in terms of their parental reactivity.

Ainsworth hypothesized that children’s reactions were a result of how their parents responded to their needs. Hypothetically, infants with secure attachment styles have their basic needs met consistently by their parents. This leads the secure infant to show a healthy dependence on their parents. Infants with an insecure avoidant attachment have their needs minimally met by their parents, which leads them to be independent and self-soothing. Infants with insecure ambivalent attachment styles have their needs met inconsistently from their caregivers, which results in confusion and conflicting behaviors.

So how does this “strange situation” relate to people later on in life? Researchers have found that attachment styles follow infants into adulthood and impact their behavior in relationships. While the behavior infants exhibited in the experiment relied on whether or not basic needs such as food, water, or comfort were met, attachments styles in adults tend to manifest themselves in more complicated ways.  Secure adults tend to have healthy and satisfying relationships where they can receive and offer support as needed.  Avoidant adults seek independence in relationships and oftentimes can appear a bit callous to their own emotions. Avoidant adults aren’t likely to offer support to their partners because they rarely depend on it themselves. Finally, ambivalent adults fear being either too close or too far from their partner, causing them to feel confused by their feelings and act in unpredictable ways in the relationship.

Although attachment styles are habits that people have probably been practicing subconsciously for all their lives, they are not permanent. Individual or couples therapy can help those struggling with their own emotions or communication skills.

If you or someone you know is struggling in a relationship, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ .

Sources:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

Source for Picture:

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&id=DF3FB2F4C4A9AF591D1BF6EA44071E6C780F6937&thid=OIP.P_BQQ_87MEADJ_8AobvpHQHaE8&mediaurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcarehere.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F07%2Fcouple_walking.jpg&exph=1280&expw=1920&q=couple+on+a+walk&selectedindex=6&ajaxhist=0&vt=0&eim=1,2,6

 

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Narcissism

Narcissism 

Narcissism

By: Julia Keys

It is common in today’s world to call someone who is very clean “OCD”, or someone who is very active “ADHD”, or someone who is overly confident a “narcissist”.  What many people do not know is that narcissism is not an adjective to describe someone’s personality, but a real psychiatric diagnosis. The DSM IV identifies narcissism as a personality disorder. Personality disorders are characterized by a set of rigid traits, thoughts, and behaviors that are unhealthy and inflexible. Narcissistic personality disorder or (NPD) is characterized by an overinflated sense of self, preoccupation with personal success, and apathy for other’s emotions.

Signs of narcissistic personality disorder:

  • Grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty.
  • Belief that one is unusually special or unique
  • Need for excessive admiration
  • Strong sense of entitlement
  • Exploitative of others
  • Lacks empathy
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
  • Frequent display of arrogant or haughty behavior

Although people with NPD display an arrogant and larger-than-life picture to the outside world, they can also suffer from low self-esteem internally. The constant need for approval and obsession with success can be stressful because in reality, one will never gain approval from everyone and one will never achieve everything they want.  Trouble with interpersonal relationships often results from the exploitative and apathetic behaviors that people with NPD believe will help them achieve their goals.

People with NPD can look like the perfect partner upon first meeting. They are often charismatic and appear to be very put together. However, being in a relationship with a person with NPD can be complicated and stressful. People with NPD lie frequently to get what they want, which can cause a breach of trust in a serious relationship. People with NPD rarely apologize because they lack the empathy to understand the point of view of their partners. Additionally, people with NPD think that they are perfect and will dismiss others who have opinions contrary to theirs. Although people with NPD can be extremely difficult to live with, they can still be a loved one that you care about.

If you or someone you love has narcissistic personality disorder and is struggling with the symptoms, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ 

Sources:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201905/five-narcissistic-traits-harm-intimate-partner

Source for Picture:

https://www.google.com/search?biw=1391&bih=654&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=UenvXLaCJeWJggeP6ZHYAw&q=narcissus+myth&oq=narcissus+&gs_l=img.1.1.0j0i67l3j0j0i67l2j0j0i67l2.620.620..2327…0.0..0.69.69.1……0….1..gws-wiz-img.eaqpLt3PV-c#imgrc=fUnycKFz1Mb7jM:&spf=1559226710308

Relationships: Toxic and Unhealthy

Relationships: Toxic and Unhealthy

By Toniann Seals

There are numerous signs of a toxic relationship that can help you identify the problem area. Here we focus on romantic relationships. Hopefully these signs will help anyone reading come to the realization that they may be in an unhealthy relationship and know there is a way out.

1. Your partner never compromises:

They seem to disregard your opinion or not allow your input in decision making as a couple.

2. Your partner is overly competitive:

They always try to go one step ahead of you to become more successful or they do not celebrate your accomplishments out of jealousy.

3. You are uncomfortable being yourself:

They make you feel like you have to act differently in front of them and throw away your old self.

4. Bullying is involved:

They embarrass you in front of your peers, tell you that you are never going to be good enough, or yell and fight anytime they are unhappy with you.

5. Your partner isolates you from family and friends:

They convince you that your family and/or friends are bad for you, feed you lies about them, or do not allow any interaction outside of the relationship.

6. Jealousy

They check your phone, track your location, and question your relationships with other people.

Although ending a toxic or abusive relationship is sometimes hard, it is necessary. Take note of these types of relationships and never settle for something that causes discomfort or unhappiness. Seek help when needed whether it is from friends and family or a professional.

If you or someone you know is suffering in an unhealthy relationship, contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

Sources:

https://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20976691,00.html?slide=117654#117654

(Image) https://www.wilsoncc.edu/domestic-violence-awareness-event/love-shouldnt-hurt-thumb-72/

Couples Counseling: The Benefits

By Stephanie Osuba

According to PsychCentral.com, there are many reasons why people chose to participate in couples therapy, as well as many reasons they don’t. The common reason couples usually don’t consider counseling is out of embarrassment or the stigma that surrounds the intimate details of one’s personal relationship. The stigma dictates that only people who are in a very broken state in their relationship can benefit from couples counseling. However, no relationship is perfect and sometimes even the most socially competent of us need the help of a professional. Psychologists can help couples identify key problems in the relationship in a structured way that acknowledges the feelings of both parties. Although it’s never easy to reopen past wounds, it is the only way to push through to a place of understanding with a partner. Sessions can also determine whether the relationship needs some fine-tuning, a complete rebuilding, or a separation of ways.

Here are some benefits of couples counseling:

  • Improved communication skills
  • Increase in emotional and physical connection
  • Life plan development
  • Resolving conflicts in a structured way
  • Building a healthy relationship ­– ultimately leading to individual growth as well

Common issues couples hope to resolve in therapy: infidelity, poor communication, financial issues, parenting or co-parenting, work and career, emotional and physical intimacy, separation or divorce, abuse, grief and loss, and life transitions.

If you or someone you know appears to be having marital problems, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Lack of Intimacy – A Common Problem in Marriages

By: Gisela Serrano

One common problem that most marriages experience is a lack of intimacy. Couples tend to have different daily schedules – making it difficult to find time to dedicate to their partner. When children come into the picture, it becomes more complex as the children tend to become the priority and the focus of the parent’s attention. This means that the couples own needs and desires, including their sexual needs, are put on hold. Couples often become too tired or too accustomed to their daily routines and forget the importance of having a healthy sex life with their spouse. In cases like these, it is important for the married couple to communicate and talk about the issue at hand, as scary and uncomfortable as it may seem. You may even be surprised as to how well the conversation turns out, but you will never know until you take that next step. Having an open and honest conversation regarding your sex life can be the key to avoiding marital problems over the lack of intimacy. The bottom line is – sex is not the most important thing in a marriage and should not be expected to be the only thing to hold a marriage together – but it certainly is an important and healthy part of marriage.

If you and your spouse are having marital issues including, but not limited to, lack of intimacy contact Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy at our location in Paramus, NJ (201) 368-3700 or at our location in Manhattan (212) 722-1920. You can also visit our website https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ for more information.

Source: Madsen, P. (May 29, 2012). Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shameless-woman/201205/love-and-the-little-or-no-sex-marriage