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Single Parenting Stress

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Single Parenting Stress

By: Mercedes Renter

Raising children on your own can result in an overwhelming amount of stress and pressure into parenting. Aside from the financial obligations of raising a family and maintaining a roof over your head with food on the table, single parenting comes with more obstacles than one may think. Emotionally, a single parent must take on the role of both parents at once which leaves them to be both “bad” and “good” cop all at once. This can allow one to feel lonely and isolated when it comes to decision making because they often feel lost without another opinion. Guilt will arise from these situations but your own well-being it is better to focus on any accomplishments.

There are many ways to reduce the stress and attempt to live in a calmer environment. One thing that can be done is to set up a support system. All parents need a little help here and there so do not feel ashamed to ask for it. Maintaining a daily routine can allow you to find yourself with more time to relax. For example, set up a schedule for meals, chores, bedtimes and anything else that is included in your day to day routine. Treat your children like children; although the other parent is absent you should not rely too heavily on the child. A way to notice if you are relying on them too much is if your frustration is being shown more on them than in any other aspect of your life. Lastly, stay positive and take time for yourself.

If you or someone you know is struggling with single parenting stress contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatric, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Psychotherapy & Psychiatric Services. Contact our Manhattan, NY, or Paramus,NJ offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information please visit https://counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

References: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/Stresses-of-Single-Parenting.aspx

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/10-ways-to-reduce-single-parent-stress/

Stop Nagging and Build Better Communication Skills

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

By Katie Weinstein

Nagging is a type of interpersonal communication defined as persistent, repetitive behavior to try to get an individual to complete or stop a task. Naggers are associated with a passive aggressive, obsessional and negative personality types. There is a common misconception that naggers enjoy nagging, but often times; the nagger’s mood is dysregulated and they feel anxious and frustrated. They obsess over a particular thing and cannot tolerate these feelings, so they off load their problems onto the nearest person available, which is why nagging is commonly associated with a partner. Additionally, naggers may have a high need structure for their immediate environment and have a deep fear that their world could spiral if things are not kept entirely in order.

Often times the nagger thinks that continuously asking for something will get the other person to complete the task that they need. In reality, the other person most likely responds in non-compliance, meaning they say yes to the nagger’s request, but do not follow through, ignore the nagger, or say no. This is because the person being nagged tunes out the nagger. The nagger then might become increasingly aggressive, which decreases the likelihood of compliance.

In order to get people to comply with a task it is important to practice better communication. One thing that might help is to give a person a to-do list either via text or on paper with an agreed upon, realistic deadline so that the person won’t forget the task and can complete it on their time. Another thing you can do is be straight forward. Instead of complaining that your partner never does the dishes, ask them to do the dishes. It is also important to know when you need help to stop nagging and begin working on better communication skills.

If you, you and your partner, or you and your family are looking for therapy please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/202106/two-motivations-the-nagging-personality-type

http://self.gutenberg.org/articles/eng/Nagging

https://www.webmd.com/women/features/stop-nagging

After The Affair: How Therapy Can Help

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

    By: Melissa Molina

    Marriage therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps couples recognize problems and offer solutions to their relationships. Through therapy, couples can choose to strengthen their relationships or part ways. Affairs or unfaithfulness can be challenging to overcome in any marriage. Therapy can be successful and infidelity shall not recur if all parties, including the therapist, are compassionate, respectful and empathetic.

    Counseling a couple after infidelity can be painful but successful in most cases. A study by Shirley Glass in 2000 found that 71% of couples she had seen in therapy after an infidelity stayed together.

    What Helps the Couple Heal?

    The betrayer must be patient and understand the hurt partners feelings can help the process. Details and all questions must be answered to serve the purpose of giving the hurt partner a feeling of control.

    Therapists can start a ritual with the couple of burying the past, putting the infidelity behind them and remembering the good memories in their relationship.

    In early stages, the hurt partner might need to hear the words “sorry” everyday.

    In therapy, open discussions about what both partners need from each other sexually are very important.

    Marriage Therapy can help address each partner’s needs, desires and aspirations. The hurt spouse can learn to trust the betrayer and the betrayer can learn to express their feelings in therapy. Giving yourself and your relationship the opportunity to heal and grow with marriage therapy is slow and hard work but your marriage is worth it.

    If you or someone you know needs support with their marriage, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ .


    Source: psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201302/will-your-marriage-survive-the-affair

    Image Source: intentblog.com/time-seek-therapist-can-couples-counseling-help/

    Parenting: Introverted Children

    GalleryJudy Gurfein 1 Comment

    By: Yael Berger

    Initially, one might assume that it is certainly easier to raise an introvert than an extrovert. In theory, introverted children demand less attention and less maintenance than extroverted children. An introvert can also be viewed as being more self-contained, which in turn can be thought of as a calmer child, than an extravert. However, it is not necessarily the case that introverted children are easier to raise.

    In actuality, the child’s level of extroversion has less to do with the ease of parenting than one might think. What really determines how hard it will be to raise a particular child is the level of similarity between the parents or parents and the child. If the parent and child share a similar constitution, it will be easier for the parent to determine the child’s needs, even if he or she is not exceedingly verbal about them. Conversely, if the parent and child have very different natures, it might be nearly impossible for the parent to decipher what the child’s needs are.

    If the parent and child differ in disposition, it may also cause negative feelings toward the child in the parent. Because parents usually believe that their lifestyle is the “right” one, they will be inclined to try to change their child’s personality, which does not work and is damaging to the child and his or her relationship with the parent. For example, if the parents of introverted children attempt to raise them to be an extrovert, they will feel as though the person closest to them is rejecting who they truly are, resulting in feelings of shame. Once there is a barrier between parents and their children, it can make a child more susceptible to anxiety and depression later on. Because children are essentially incapable of affirming their worth internally, they must feel validated by their parents in order to feel nurtured and accepted.

    In conclusion, it is best for the parents to attempt to parent children differently depending on their individual differences, as opposed to the common view that one form of parenting is the best form. In order to raise a happy and well-adjusted child, parents should understand and learn their children’s needs and level of introversion before forming a parenting style. For example, introverted mothers have to remind themselves to provide their extraverted child with more social contact than an introverted child. To have the best relationship with their children, parents should try not to have unreasonable expectations and understand their children’s personalities first. The way a family parents could shape the development of their children and impact their lives.

    If you are someone you know appears to be suffering from issues linked to parenting, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)368-3700 or (212)722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

    Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201901/is-it-easier-or-harder-parent-introverted-child

    Image: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-tips-for-helping-shy-ki_b_5913864

    Recommended Book: Nurture by Nature by Paul D. Tiegar

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    Assertiveness and Anxiety: How Expressing Yourself Can Lead to a Happier Self

    GalleryJudy Gurfein 1 Comment

    By: Sanjita Ekhelikar

    “Communication is key” is a phrase we are all familiar with, yet many struggle with actually acting on it. The most effective form of communication is through assertiveness, which involves expressing one’s views in a straightforward manner, and in standing up for one’s needs while still being considerate of others. This differs from aggressiveness in that it does not involve being outwardly emotional or insulting to others, and differs from passivity in that the individual clearly states their feelings and desires. Being assertive involves open communication, which can be difficult to engage in, especially for people struggling with anxiety. However, through practicing and learning assertiveness, people with anxiety can actually feel less worry and more confident in themselves.

    Anxiety describes the uncomfortable feelings of turmoil and dread that one might have in anticipation that results in physical sensations such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, and rumination. For many who struggle with anxiety, the thought of being assertive with others makes them anxious. They often worry that being assertive will come off as being mean, creating conflict, and being inconsiderate. Therefore, many choose passive communication, and never voice their views or feelings. This worsens their state of worry, as they are not properly understood by those around them and can easily be taken advantage of. They are often misunderstood which increases their worry. Others often take advantage of them because of their meek manner and visible anxiety.

    Contrary to what those with anxiety believe, assertiveness can actually help them feel better. Often times, those with anxiety create situations in their mind about everything that will go wrong if they voice themselves to another person. However, such a form of open communication can create a better understanding between two people. It allows the person with anxiety to be properly understood, to dispel the fearful thoughts in their head, and become more confident in themselves and their views.

    How can people with anxiety begin working towards being more assertive? By stating their views using “I,” individuals can avoid putting blame on others by expressing their own opinions. In addition, reminding themselves that their fears are not rational and that it is their anxiety talking to them can help them become increasingly comfortable with being assertive. Finally, practice makes perfect – keep trying and speak up!

    If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

    Self-Harm

    GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

    Self-harm is a way of expressing feelings that can’t be put into words by deliberately harming the surface of your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It’s the release of pain and tension one feels inside. It’s a distraction from overwhelming feelings and emotions, from no emotion at all, and can be used as a way to punish oneself.  It’s a way to feel control.

    Dear readers that self-injure,             
                Maybe you feel ashamed, maybe you think no one would understand, maybe you think you won’t be left alone again, and quite honestly you might be scared of hearing that you’re crazy. But hiding who you are and what you feel is a heavy burden. We have all been there in one way or another. Truthfully, the secrecy and guilt of self-harm affects your relationships with your friends and family members and the way you feel about yourself. It can make you feel even more lonely, worthless, and trapped. But you are not crazy, and you are definitely not alone.

    Why You Should Stop:

    • The relief is short lived.
    • Keeping the secret is a lonely and a difficult journey.
    • You can hurt yourself badly, on purpose or not, and misjudge the damage you’ll do.
    • Those who care for you, even those who are unaware of the situation, would be broken to know it.

    How to Rid Yourself of the Mechanism:

    • Communicate with somebody you can confide in. A friend, a family member, a teacher, etc.
    • Give yourself time to heal.
    • Seek out professional help and begin to both work with and understand your emotions.
    • Sprint, draw, paint, sing, scream, run, cry, and do whatever you can to make your impulse go away in that moment.

    How to Help Someone that Does Self-harm:

    • Don’t judge.
    • Respect the person’s time needed to heal.
    • Offer support, even if you might not completely understand.
    • Help find therapy, and offer to help reach out to more adults and professionals.

    By Isabelle Kreydin
     If you or someone you know is self-harming and needs help, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

    https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm