Parenting: Introverted Children

By: Yael Berger

Initially, one might assume that it is certainly easier to raise an introvert than an extrovert. In theory, introverted children demand less attention and less maintenance than extroverted children. An introvert can also be viewed as being more self-contained, which in turn can be thought of as a calmer child, than an extravert. However, it is not necessarily the case that introverted children are easier to raise.

In actuality, the child’s level of extroversion has less to do with the ease of parenting than one might think. What really determines how hard it will be to raise a particular child is the level of similarity between the parents or parents and the child. If the parent and child share a similar constitution, it will be easier for the parent to determine the child’s needs, even if he or she is not exceedingly verbal about them. Conversely, if the parent and child have very different natures, it might be nearly impossible for the parent to decipher what the child’s needs are.

If the parent and child differ in disposition, it may also cause negative feelings toward the child in the parent. Because parents usually believe that their lifestyle is the “right” one, they will be inclined to try to change their child’s personality, which does not work and is damaging to the child and his or her relationship with the parent. For example, if the parents of introverted children attempt to raise them to be an extrovert, they will feel as though the person closest to them is rejecting who they truly are, resulting in feelings of shame. Once there is a barrier between parents and their children, it can make a child more susceptible to anxiety and depression later on. Because children are essentially incapable of affirming their worth internally, they must feel validated by their parents in order to feel nurtured and accepted.

In conclusion, it is best for the parents to attempt to parent children differently depending on their individual differences, as opposed to the common view that one form of parenting is the best form. In order to raise a happy and well-adjusted child, parents should understand and learn their children’s needs and level of introversion before forming a parenting style. For example, introverted mothers have to remind themselves to provide their extraverted child with more social contact than an introverted child. To have the best relationship with their children, parents should try not to have unreasonable expectations and understand their children’s personalities first. The way a family parents could shape the development of their children and impact their lives.

If you are someone you know appears to be suffering from issues linked to parenting, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)368-3700 or (212)722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit



Recommended Book: Nurture by Nature by Paul D. Tiegar

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Groupthink and Conformity

Groupthink and Conformity

By Crystal Tsui

Have you ever been in a group and did not agree with the group’s decision, but had to agree because they would reject your idea?  Irving Janis, a social psychologist, first coined the term groupthink to describe this situation. His main aim was to understand how a group of individuals collectively come up with excellent decisions one time and fail at other times. Groupthink happens when a group of people with good intentions, but they make irrational decisions that are spurred by the urge to conform. Group members value harmony and coherence above rational thinking and refrain from expressing doubts and judgements or disagreeing with the consensus.

Irving Janis observed the following eight patterns of groupthink:

  1. Illusions of Invulnerability: when the group displays excessive optimism and takes big risks, the members of the group feel that anything they do will turn out to be successful.
  2. Collective Rationalization: when the group rationalizes thoughts or suggestions that challenge what the majority is thinking
  3. Belief in Inherent Morality of the Group: the belief that whatever the group does will be right. This causes the group members to overlook the consequences of what they decide.
  4. Out Group stereotypes: is the belief that those who disagree are opposing just to oppose the group
  5. Direct Pressure on Dissenters: the majority directly threatens the opposing group member by telling them that they can always leave the group if they don’t agree.
  6. Self-Censorship: the opposing individual believes that if they are the only odd one out then they must be the one who is wrong.
  7. Illusions of Unanimity: Silence from some is considered acceptance of the majority’s decision
  8. Self-Appointed Mind Guards: Members of the group who take it upon themselves to discourage alternative ideas from being expressed in the group.

There are numerous studies supporting the fundamentals of groupthink and conformity. One famous study was the Asch Conformity experiment. Solomon Asch gathered his participants to take a vision test where three lines at varied lengths were compared to one other; which was longer. The participants were asked to identify the lines with matching lengths. Ninety-five percent of participants answered every question correctly. Then Asch placed actors in the groups, who confidently volunteered the same incorrect answer. The accuracy dropped to 25 percent, indicating that 75 percent of the participants went along with the group’s incorrect answer for at least one question.

An Emory University neuroscientist, Gregory Berns, found that when we take a stance different from the group, we activate the amygdala, a small region in the brain associated with the fear. We don’t like to be rejected so we refrain from speaking up against the group, which supports Janis’ pattern of groupthink: Direct Pressure on Dissenters. Professor Berns defined this situation as “the pain of independence.” Many government decisions are cited as a result of groupthink, such as the Vietnam War or the invasion of Iraq.

Groupthink also fosters a strong “us vs. them” mentality that prompts members to accept group perspectives in the heat of the moment, where there is also a strong pressure from the outside to make a good decision. An example in literature is George Orwell’s Animal Farm, where the animals make a nonunanimous decision to rid the farm of humans. There were animals there that quite adored being loved and owned by a human, however, those animals had to agree because the leader of the animals would punish them otherwise.

After periodically experiencing groupthink, an individual may become shy and become more introverted. They may be afraid to speak and include their own ideas in fear of the group rejecting their idea.

If you or someone you know have social anxiety and fear of speaking up, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit .


Postpartum Depression

By Samantha Glosser

“I thought postpartum depression meant you were sobbing every single day and incapable of looking after a child. But there are different shades of it and depths of it, which is why I think it’s so important for women to talk about. It was a trying time. I felt like a failure.” -Gwyneth Paltrow

Postpartum depression can begin as early as a few weeks after giving birth, and it affects one in seven women. Symptoms of postpartum depression include the following: depressed mood or mood swings, excessive crying, difficulty bonding with the baby, withdrawal from loved ones, loss of appetite or an increased appetite, inability to sleep or sleeping too much, fatigue or loss of energy, anxiety, fear of not being a good mother, thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, and recurrent thoughts of death and suicide. These symptoms typically interfere with your life and your ability to raise and connect with your child. Although it is not certain what causes postpartum depression, it is most likely due to a combination of hormones and emotional processing deep in the brain.

As noted by Gwyneth Paltrow, an actress using her fame to shed light on the severity of this disorder, postpartum depression is not one size fits all; every woman experiences it differently and experiences symptoms at different severities. This is why it is important for women to be open and honest about their experiences with postpartum depression. Women often feel a lot of shame when they have postpartum depression, because they do not understand why they are feeling this way or what they are feeling. They feel like they are alone in these feelings. However, this is not the case. Other famous mothers such as Brooke Shields and Marie Osmond, like Paltrow, are using their platforms to share their struggles with postpartum depression and let women know that they are not alone and that they should not feel ashamed, which is opening up the doorway to treatment for all women. Postpartum depression can be effectively treated with psychotherapy, support groups, and psychiatric medication if needed. These treatments are the most efficient way for you to feel better and connect with your child.

If you or someone you know appears to be suffering from postpartum depression, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit

Source: Layton, M. J. (2016, January 26). Task force urges doctors to screen new moms for depression. Retrieved from