Ever Feel Like a Fraud?

By: Stephanie Osuba

Despite your degrees, acclaims, and accomplishments, do you ever sometimes feel like you are an imposter? That you’ve been getting lucky or that you’re a fake in your profession and one day people are going to find you out? As it turns out, you aren’t alone. Many successful people feel this way and often have to step back and remember all the things they have achieved – Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein among these people! While there is no diagnosis or even proper name for this feeling in the DSM-5, there are countless of reports of this in psychology and psychotherapy literature. In fact, the first time the term “imposter syndrome” was used was in an article in 1978 by Drs Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes who – after studying 150 educated, established, and highly respected women – found that they didn’t have an internal sense of success and found themselves to be “imposters.”

So what causes this “imposter syndrome” that befalls so many successful people? One reason could be that there is no real measure to success. There is always something more that you can do and regardless of how much success you’ve already had and you think you are content with, self-doubt can always creep in and say you haven’t done enough. Another reason could be “pluralistic ignorance,” which is believing something to be true without being able to prove or disprove it – usually involving unspoken or false beliefs about other people. For example, research has shown that all college students feel anxiety about school but the actual students think they are the only ones who feel that way and other people are having no trouble adjusting to college life. And lastly, talent can make us believe that we haven’t worked hard enough and don’t deserve the praise or success of what comes naturally to us.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201811/do-you-ever-feel-fraud 

If you or someone you know appears to be having issues with self-esteem or is suffering from anxiety, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

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Low Self Esteem: 7 Steps to Start Loving Yourself

By: Sanjita Ekhelikar

Self-esteem describes the way that we evaluate and judge ourselves. It is assessed on a continuum from high to low, with unfortunately many people who fall under the category of having low self-esteem. People who feel this way about themselves do not see themselves and their views as valuable, compare themselves to others, feel worthless, and lack self-confidence.

If you or anyone you know struggles with low self-esteem, you know how difficult it can be to bear the feelings that come with it. It can be draining, can impair overall functioning, can influence social interactions, and can cause one to be withdrawn from society. Although it is not easy to cope with low self-esteem, it can be improved through steps towards accepting and loving oneself. The capacity for change comes from within yourself!

Here are 7 Steps to Begin Loving Yourself and Boost your Self-Esteem:

1. Practice saying things you like about yourself in the mirror every morning when you wake up. Start your day taking the time to compliment yourself. This will begin to come naturally the more you do it.

2. Write out a list of your accomplishments. Accomplishments as big as landing the job you wanted or as small as getting the laundry done count. The more you applaud yourself, the more you will be able to boost your confidence.

3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and failures. It is easy to hold onto failures and consider yourself to be a failure. Learn to accept and forgive mistakes, recognizing that everyone in the world makes them.

4. Stop comparing. Remind yourself that you are different from the people around you, and that you are not them. The more you try to compare yourself with others, the more you lose sight of who you are.

5. Spend time with the people you love. It is easy to isolate when you are not feeling your best, but surrounding yourself with the family and friends who you feel closest to can boost your happiness and make you feel good about yourself, especially seeing how happy they are to be with you.

6. But also, spend time alone. Take yourself out somewhere nice, go on a long drive alone, or even travel by yourself. Giving yourself “me-time” is important in developing a better relationship with yourself.

7. Remind yourself that no on is perfect. It is easy for us to feel bad about ourselves when we think we need to be this “perfect” person. Remember, perfect does not exist, so you should just try to be you instead.

If you or someone you know is suffering from low self-esteem, please contact our psychotherapy/psychiatry offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

Relationships-Dating-Commitment: Missing the Game While Playing the Field

By: Dariana Taveras

How Your Dating Behavior May Be a Sign of Commitment Issues

Heart and kissy-face Emojis are mindlessly sent and delivered to several potential romantic interests through text messages. Regardless of who they are sent to, there is only one reply that you are really hoping for. It is from the person that you are attracted to far beyond their physical attributes. It is the individual whose face immediately brightens your day through an inviting glance. It is the one who has the charming laugh that replays most beautifully in your thoughts. It is the person who is able to solace your silence with comfort, somehow understanding your lack of self-disclosure.

In an ideal world, you would be with them. The only problem is…you cannot. But why?

Your dating behavior may be hurting your potential to find a long-term relationship due to any of the following personal commitment issues:

  • Struggling with being open about your emotions
  • Not knowing how to effectively verbalize your feelings to others
  • Experiencing fears about ending up emotionally hurt
  • Low feelings of self-worth or low self-esteem
  • Lack of self-confidence
  • Not wanting to be restricted by being in a monogamous relationship

Romantic relationships are not an easy feat. If you or anyone you care about may be struggling with commitment issues or if you are currently in a relationship that is lacking commitment, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling&Psychotherapy can assist you.  Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

How Heavy is Your Emotional Baggage?

By: Dariana Taveras

4 Steps to Help You Unload Damaging Feelings

If we were to unload our baggage, what would we find? Yes, we may find toiletries, pre-coordinated outfits, a pair of trendy sunglasses, a few pairs of shoes, and maybe even some jewelry to match… But, what about the nonmaterial items we stuff beneath the surface of our belongings?

For instance, some of us carry the weight of missed birthdays, unreturned phone calls, lost friendships, failed relationships, or even missed opportunities because of procrastination. Others carry challenges passed over because of low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. We may carry regrets that prevent us from moving forward with our lives. There may be nostalgia about particular broken friendships with people we have known for years on end. We go back and forth trying to figure out how to most effectively make sense of relationships, responsibilities, expectations, resentments, and frustration that exist day to day. Before we know it, we slip further and further down a slope of suffering until our hearts are heavy with sorrow and our minds are cluttered with distress. Often times we do not realize how quickly this may escalate and hinder our ability to find happiness.

If you feel affected by a heavy load of unresolved feelings and emotions, it may be helpful to consider the following:

1. Tune into what triggers you to hold on to your distress. This requires self-reflection and insight that will help you move towards identifying the source of your problems!

2. Once the source has been identified, take small steps to move forward towards something more beneficial and personally purposeful.

3. Do not allow the triggers of your emotional turmoil to influence the way you view the world. Change the way you view your circumstances into more proactive and positive perceptions.

4. Be patient with your endeavors. Things do not magically transform overnight. The best things in life take time!

If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may be negatively affected by stress or anxiety, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling&Psychotherapy can assist you.  Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.