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Abusive Relationships: Recognizing The Signs And Knowing When To Ask For Help

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Abusive relationships: recognizing the signs and knowing when to ask for help

By: Aricia Stefanakys

When we think of the word “abuse” we often think of the physical aspects of it. Many people assume that abuse is solely physical. Unfortunately, people don’t realize they are in an abusive relationship because of this misconception. More often than not, people are actually experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the act of using words and non-physical actions to control, hurt, or scare you. This is a more subtle form of abuse that can be tricky to detect until the relationship grows deeper.

What are some signs of emotional abuse?

  • Love bombing
  • Insults / name calling
  • Possessiveness
  • Intimidation
  • Disrespecting boundaries
  • Yelling
  • Gaslighting

The abuser uses tactics like love bombing to trap and manipulate the victim into thinking that despite their actions, they still love and need them. Love bombing is the act of showering the victims with compliments and affection in the goals of manipulating them later. They often start with joking and teasing until it eventually progresses into mocking and insulting. Once the victim expresses they felt hurt by their actions the abuser gaslights the victim into thinking they are in the wrong and misinterpreted what happened. They attempt to make themselves look perfect in front of others, making it even harder for others to see the abuse that is going on within the relationship ultimately closing the victim off from friends and family. It can also be difficult for the victim to convince themselves to leave their abuser because they don’t want to see the worst in their partner. The abuser may even apologize for their actions and blame it on their past or simply having a “bad day”.  Eventually this can escalate into physical abuse with the abuser making threats to hurt themselves or others. Other forms of abuse can also be financial, sexual, and even spiritual.

If you suspect you are being abused here are some things you should do…

  • Reach out to a friend and ask them for advice
  • Keep the phone locked and by you at all times in case you need to call for help
  • Keep track of everything your partner does that may seem like subtle abuse
  • Visit Lila helpline to find support services near you
  • Visit the Safety Net project for safety and privacy tips to keep yourself safe online
  • Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233

Remember that you are not alone and there is always support out there. If you notice any signs of worsening abuse it might be in your best interest to leave the relationship as soon as possible. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Always put your safety first.

Sources:

If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Sleep Disturbance

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By: Sophia O’Rourke

Have you ever woken up out of a nightmare and wondered why?  Sleep disturbance is something we have all experienced, but studies suggest that sleep disturbance is much higher in those that suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).“Changes in sleep, and particularly REM sleep, are symptoms of psychiatric disorders, especially PTSD.”When we are asleep, we enter a phase of REM or Rapid Eye Movement sleep which is associated with vivid dreams. During this sleep cycle, our body attempts to sort and reprocess memories and emotions in order to move on and be able to absorb more. When a traumatized individual enters REM sleep, the brain can struggle to calm itself during sleep which may explain why nightmares and frequent waking are so common. Evidence shows that those who suffer from PTSD have a higher heart rate on average which could be caused by the increased sense of fight or flight which is also associated with higher levels of norepinephrine. Disruptions during REM sleep may suggest that the trauma cannot be processed effectively and might explain why PTSD symptoms can become more persistent with time, especially without treatment.

People with PTSD also report often having nightmares which may be reoccurring, this leads to the fear of falling asleep for some and can lead to insomnia. Lack of sleep can interfere with your daytime feelings, attitude and productivity which can make matters worse. Research indicates that those who suffer from PTSD are more likely to turn to substances and alcohol in order to cope with the trauma. These substances further stress your body and can lead to more fragmented REM sleep. If you find yourself sleepless and feel the need to rely on certain substances to aid in sleep, seek help from your doctor as soon as possible. 

When discussing REM sleep, it is also important to discuss the ways that it is related to EMDR Therapy. In this kind of therapy, the client is told to follow a moving object which is most often the therapist’s finger and recount/think about their trauma or traumatic event. The role that eye movements play in this kind of therapy is pivotal in reprocessing traumatizing memories without re-traumatizing the patient. Patients say that they do not feel the emotions as intensely as usual when participating in this kind of therapy and report lower trauma scores afterward. If sleep disruption or trauma symptoms are affecting your quality of life, trauma-informed therapies like EMDR can help restore both emotional balance and restful sleep.

If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

                                                                   

 Sources

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7170365/

https://www.jneurosci.org/content/43/3/433

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Therapy for PTSD

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By: Jessica Much

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a complex disorder affecting those who have experienced single or repeated trauma. The most commonly-known symptom of PTSD is flashbacks. Flashbacks occur when a person is reminded of the traumatic event by an environmental cue, known as a trigger, which leads to an episode of feeling as if they are experiencing the trauma all over again in real time. For instance, if someone who has been hit by a red car sees a red car while they are driving, it may remind them of the incident and cause them to have a vivid flashback of the event.

          For those who experience flashbacks, it may be hard to feel in control of their emotions, and they may feel helpless to stop them. However, there is a lesser-known therapy that can help ease the severity of flashbacks. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) was created by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s to address trauma through physical stimulation as well as talk therapy. EMDR believes that traumatic memories are stuck within an individual’s conscious (causing flashbacks), and must be reprocessed and unstuck by the patient to alleviate symptoms and their severity.

          During this therapy, patients are verbally guided through questions and feelings about their memories while bilateral brain activity in the patient is stimulated by the therapist through various methods (most commonly side-to-side eye movement). This encourages the reprocessing of memories from the emotional right brain hemisphere to the more logical left brain. Doing this can help reduce the emotional intensity of memories, as well as allow patients to change their beliefs about the memory (“My sexual assault is my fault” can be modified to “I am not to blame for what happened to me”). Additionally, reprocessing memories can help address symptoms of PTSD that are not directly attached to a memory, such as not sleeping well, being generally fearful, or lashing out at others.

          EMDR therapy shows significant results in the treatment of PTSD, especially when combined with other forms of therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy. Studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer met the criteria to be diagnosed with PTSD after three 90-minute sessions, and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer meet the criteria after only six 50-minute sessions.

          EMDR is a quick, effective, and science-based treatment for PTSD. If you are suffering from recurring nightmares, flashbacks, have gone through single/repeated trauma, experience unidentified emotional outbursts, or want to reframe how you recall negative memories, this therapy might be right for you.

If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ .

Sources

“Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).” Ttuhsc.edu, 11 June 2024, http://www.ttuhsc.edu/medicine/psychiatry/counseling/emdr.aspx.

‌American Psychological Association. “What Is EMDR Therapy and Why Is It Used to Treat PTSD?” Apa.org, 2023, http://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/emdr-therapy-ptsd.

Stoneridgecenters. “3 Ways EMDR Therapy Benefits the Brain and Helps It Heal.” StoneRidge Treatment & Recovery, 3 Oct. 2022, stoneridgecenters.com/2022/10/02/how-emdr-therapy-benefits-the-brain/. Accessed 27 Jan. 2026.

Marijuana and The Brain

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By: Tori Ling

            Today, Marijuana has grown tremendously in popularity, but as a relatively new drug, are we sure what it is doing to our brains? According to the CDC, short-term effects of cannabis (within 24 hours of usage) include immediate impact on thinking, attention, memory, coordination, movement, and time perception. Long-term effects of cannabis can affect memory, attention, and learning. Using Marijuana before the age of 18 is especially harmful for the developing brain and can lead to permanent deficits (as listed above).

            In contrast, Harvard’s MIND investigated a longitudinal observational study of individuals using medical cannabis for various conditions and symptoms. Participants chose their own cannabis product, and were evaluated performing tasks at 3, 6, 12, 15, 18 and 24 months after their treatment begun. The results found that the patients using medical marijuana actually had better performance on cognitive tasks requiring executive function over time. Patients also described their improved mood, energy, sleep, and reduced use of conventional medications. Patients included in this study were generally above the average recreational use age. There has been preclinical data suggesting that cannabis may help boost the body’s aging endocannabinoid system. (The endocannabinoid system (ECS) is a crucial, complex cell-signaling network in mammals that maintains homeostasis by regulating mood, sleep, appetite, pain, and immune responses. When activated, it helps manage stress and physiological balance. )

            The National Institute of Health (NIH) states: “Adult chronic cannabis users with healthy controls, neural activation was measured in paradigms including tests of attention, cognitive controls, memory, decision-making, motor performance, and affective processing. Most studies have found changes in brain function, often without notable performance deficits” the NIH found that Schizophrenia patients who reported abusing cannabis actually had a better memory than those who were not using cannabis from Marijuana potentially reducing negative symptoms.

            Overall, Cannabis is not recommended for anyone under the age of 21, as it can cause permanent harm to your brain and its functions, but studies have found no evidence that adolescent cannabis use or dependence are associated with IQ decline or neurocognitive performance . However, Marijuana can be beneficial to those suffering from some chronic conditions. THC can “promote neurogenesis, restore memory and prevent neurodegenerative processes and decline in animal models of Alzheimer’s disease.” (National Institute of Health). THC can modulate memory and cognition in an age-and-dose dependent manner. Marijuana should be used on a case by case basis after being evaluated by a medical professional.

If you or someone you know is considering using Marijuana please contact your healthcare provider for more information.If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Depression: The Significant Impact of Friendship

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By: Nirvana Ramoutar

     Did you know that friendships and other personal relationships have a significant impact on your health? Studies show that adults with strong social connection have reduced risk for many health problems such as depression, high blood pressure, and an unhealthy body mass index. This is often overlooked and individuals do not believe that maintaining healthy relationships are as important as eating healthy and exercising. However if you think about how you feel when you spend time with a true friend where you are able to laugh, cry, and share intimate secrets with, you know how powerful friendships can be.

     Having close friends is undeniably good for us, but psychologists have found that “weak-tie” interactions with acquaintances, and even strangers, can give your mental health a boost. Something as small as complimenting a person, or bumping into a work friend you see once a week can make all the difference. Research has found that the people with more of these “weak-tie” interactions are happier than those who have fewer. We often avoid conversations with strangers as we fear awkwardness, but studies suggest that conversations with strangers tend to be less awkward and more connecting than people expect. To their own surprise, people also prefer having deep conversations with strangers rather than shallow ones.

How do you make friends as an adult?

  • Become a volunteer
  • Ask questions
  • Look for shared interests
  • Accept invitations
  • Reach out to neighbors
  • Take advantage of the virtual community
  • Join a YMCA

     Once again, friendships help you avoid feelings of loneliness; they increase your self-love, and help with personal growth. Loneliness and social isolation can be deadly, as it causes a risk for premature death in 26% of individuals, causing heart disease, dementia, etc. The significance of friendship goes a long way influencing both our well-being and physical health. Remember to cherish and maintain your friendships, and don’t be scared to start completely anew. You can do it!

If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/ .

Sources:

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Anxiety: First Day of College as a Freshman

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Anxiety: First Day of College as a Freshman

Anxiety: First Day of College as a Freshman

By Colleen Susanto

Feeling anxious about college is a universal experience. Especially, when someone has just graduated from high school and is starting college. It’s a huge transition for everybody. College is the time where you find yourself and experience the adult life. So, what makes us so anxious about college and how can we overcome it?

Being in a new community can be really intimidating. Trying to fit in and making new friends. Not being able to be with your old friends from high school can make you feel separated. However, one way to avoid that feeling is to socialize. Many colleges offer programs and events and that way, you can meet new people and make friends!

The stress of keeping up with academic expectations can also be very overwhelming. College classes tend to be more work than high school and can feel overwhelming when you are not organized. What you could do is to write down the assignments, deadlines, and exams. Then, you’d feel more organized and plan ahead.

Last but not least, being away from home. First time in college is usually the first time a student is away from their family. They have to carry huge responsibilities, such as financial, independence, time management, and much more. These can be very overwhelming for first timers. You could always contact your family through texts and calls, and stay connected with them. Try talking out your problems with your family or people you know to take some of the burden off you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://truetherapyaz.com/managing-stress-overwhelm-for-first-time-college-students/

Feeling Nervous About Starting College? It’s Ok, Everyone Feels That Way!

Relationships: How to Maintain Long Distance Relationships

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Relationships: How to Maintain Long Distance Relationships

By Colleen Susanto

Long distance relationships aren’t easy. We always want to be with the person we love, stay by their side, and spend time with them. Our emotional and mental well-being are very much important and relationships affect these.  A long distance relationship or LDR requires the proper attention for it to keep blooming. It’s easy to feel hopeless, but being in an LDR can bring out the best in partners.

As we all probably know, communication is the key. Whether in an LDR or not, it’s the backbone of a relationship and it becomes more crucial when miles apart. Set clear expectations on how to communicate with your partner. Another key is honesty. In an LDR, transparency matters even more. Talk about your feelings with your partner and open up about how you feel whether you feel sad, insecure, angry, or happy. Hiding emotions creates unnecessary tension between you and your partner.

Just because you are not next to each other, doesn’t mean you can’t share your world. Small gestures help create a sense of connection. You can talk about your daily experiences or send random pictures to make your partner included. Long distance relationships require patience, communication, and trust, but they can be deeply rewarding. When both partners put in the effort, distance can strengthen the bond rather than break it. Remember that it’s not the miles between you, but it’s the love between the two of you that does.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or relationships, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2022/07/22/how-to-have-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/

https://bumble.com/en/the-buzz/longdistancetips

Depression; Treatment

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Depression; Treatment

By: Samantha Montague

People with depression need treatment. There are several ways that people with depression can be helped, such as through psychotherapy, medicine, or both simultaneously.

Psychotherapy is speaking with a trained professional about your feelings in order to help manage your thoughts, feelings and behaviors that may be contributing to depression.

Medication is another option for treating depression. Antidepressant medications are used to increase activity of neurotransmitters, chemicals in the brain to relieve the symptoms of depression. These medications are not addictive, and are safe to use when prescribed by a doctor.

With both psychotherapy and medication, a trial and error process may be needed to determine what works best. However, when you find what works for you, treatment helps most depressed people feel better in a matter of weeks. Regardless of the extent to which it is working, in general any treatment is better than no treatment.

Overall, when you are feeling low for a long time, and your problems feel out of your control, remember there is help out there. You are not alone, and can ask for help. If you know someone who you think is depressed, encourage them to ask a responsible adult about treatment. If they don’t ask for help on their own, talk to someone you trust and respect. This is especially critical if there is mention of suicide. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) – 368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.

Reference: NIMH

Anxiety: Generalized Anxiety Disorder – Chronic Worry

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Anxiety: Generalized Anxiety Disorder – Chronic Worry

By: Michelle Cocone

Do you ever find yourself worrying about everything all the time? You find that you can’t seem to find a way to let go, the worries always get in the way. If you are experiencing the following symptoms then you may have generalized anxiety disorder.

Generalized anxiety disorder is when you have immense worry and anxiety which affects your everyday life. Not to be confused with worrying because everyone worries about things or events occurring in their life. The difference is that one knows how to let it go or even worry about it for a bit and move on. For those experiencing generalized anxiety disorders, they don’t have a way of letting it go; it’s all they are constantly thinking about.

It may sound like:

What if I can’t get my laundry done? What if I can’t find a job? Will I be able to pay the bills on time? What if I fail in school? What if I get rejected? What if people don’t like me?

Notice how many of these worrisome are “what if” questions. It could be that you are worrying about situations/problems that haven’t yet occurred. This is one of the symptoms of this anxiety disorder- you fear the unknown which makes you worry constantly. You’ll find that you won’t be able to relax. For example, many students worry about picking and starting college. People with this disorder can also find themselves to be indecisive because they are scared to make the wrong choice.

What if I pick the wrong university? What if I fail out of my classes? What if I don’t like the people there? What if it’s too hard for me to manage?

At the end of the day we are human, we all make mistakes. We can’t be perfect all the time. In order to continue growing and be healthy, we have to sometimes make the wrong choices and learn from them. Our mistakes are what help us progress. If we are constantly worrying, then we can’t go anywhere, we’re stuck. Other symptoms you might be experiencing are: constant fatigue, muscle aches, overthinking, unable to relax, and irritability.

Generalized anxiety disorders in children are expressed differently than in adults. Children worry about being accepted, having good grades, being good at sports, making friends, being included in social outings, trying to make everything perfect, and seeking approval from their parents. This affects their mental health and everyday life routine.

Generalized anxiety disorder in adults, is more severe. Adults tend to worry about being financially stable, buying a house, not having credit card debt, having good credit, finding a good job, finding a romantic partner, and starting a family. Anxiety can be overwhelming, however. We have to remember that it’s not normal to chronically worry all the time. It’s really unhealthy and leads to poor mental health. Worrying about everything won’t make the situation better. It might actually worsen your health.

If you or someone you know is struggling with generalized anxiety disorder, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) – 368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

References

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2024a, April 16). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/generalized-anxiety-disorder

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.-a). Generalized anxiety disorder: When worry gets out of Control. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad


Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): A Simple Guide

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Premium Vector | Personality disorder concept

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): A Simple Guide

By: Katerina Kostadimas

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and interacts with others. People with BPD often struggle with intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a strong fear of abandonment.

What Are The Symptoms of BPD?

BPD symptoms are different for everyone, but common signs include:

  1. Emotional Instability
  2. Fear of abandonment
  3. Unstable Relationships
  4. Impulsive Behaviors
  5. Self-harm or Suicidal Thoughts
  6. Identity Issues
  7. Chronic Feelings of Emptiness
  8. Intense Anger
  9. Paranoia or Dissociation

What Causes BPD?

There is no single cause of BPD, but factors that may contribute include:

  • Genetics
  • Brain Differences
  • Trauma or Childhood

How Is BPD Treated?

BPD is treatable, and many people learn to manage their symptoms with the right help. Some common treatments include:

  • Therapy—Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been said to be the most effective treatment. It teaches skills to manage emotions, build healthy relationships, and reduce impulsive behaviors.
  • Medication- While there is no specific medication for borderline personality disorder, some people benefit from antidepressants, mood stabilizers, or antipsychotic medications to manage symptoms.
  • Support System- Having understanding friends, family, or support groups can make a big difference in managing BPD.

If you or someone you love has BPD, know that recovery is possible. With the right treatment and support, people can build stable relationships, manage emotions, and lead fulfilling lives. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with borderline personality disorder, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) – 368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Reference:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237