By: Mara Gonzalez

Romantic relationships are characterized as a form of connection through physical, emotional, sexual, mental attraction and intimacy towards one another. With strong feelings for each other, romantic relationships lead to strong commitment bonds. But romantic relationships aren’t always perfect. Over 40 million people in the United States, alone, are suffering from a mental disorder such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder (Stein). Mental disorders can affect a person’s life in many different ways, including a romantic relationship. Since intimate relationships require attention from both parties, the function and stability of the relationship can vary if one of the partners is affected by a mental disorder. As some of mental illness can affect day-to-day functions, relationships can be affected by the wellbeing of one or both of the partners.

Although every person diagnosed with a mental disorder can experience different symptoms, some common signs of a mental disorder can be loss of appetite and sleep, extreme mood swings, burnout, increase/decrease of certain emotions, unhealthy coping habits and/or unusual emotional outburst. One example of how the effect on the relationship can be seen is codependency. Due to the unstable emotions, the person affected by a mental disorder might need to rely on their partner for everyday things like needing help to:  

• Stay balanced with a healthy eating style
• Getting a good number of hours of sleep
• Setting appropriate boundaries
• Enabling healthy behaviors

A fear that is common amongst people with a mental health issue and their romantic relationship is pushing the other partner away. Dealing with a mental disorder is not easy, and can negatively consume a person’s life. The fear of pushing your partner away comes from not knowing if you would be accepted by your partner due to your mental health issue(s), if your partner is willing to help you and your needs, if your partner is okay with intimacy, and many more. Tory Miller, a Clinical Program Manager at Diversus Health, stated, “Sometimes we have our own stigma associated with disclosing our mental health struggles. We hesitate to share with our partner for fear of pushing them away”.

Disclosing a mental health disorder is important because it helps keep the trust and open communication, as well as having a stable foundation in the relationship. It can be seen as healthy to disclose mental health disorders so your partner is not confused by your symptoms and is able to provide adequate support for you and give you a safe place to be yourself. It is important to understand that all relationships have struggles and challenges, and it may be a good idea to establish reliance and healthy boundaries.

Sources: Stein, Catherine H et al. “Strengths, Struggles, and Strategies: How Adults with Serious Mental Illness Navigate Long-Term Romantic Relationships.” Community mental health journal vol. 60,7 (2024)

“How Mental Illness May Affect Relationships.” Edited by Diversus Health, How Mental Illness May Affect Relationships – Diversus Health, diversushealth.org/mental-health-blog/how-mental-illness-may-affect-relationships/.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) – 368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/