By Crystal Tsui
Persuasion is the action or fact of convincing someone to do or believe something. It is used every day by individuals and even big corporations, whether it’s big adverts or a friend trying to get you to go see a concert with them. Persuasion and deception are often blurred; however, deception is the intent to “trick” someone into doing or believing something.
Some ways people persuade others are:
- The authority bias: influenced by opinion or actions of people in a position of power.
- Social proof: decide on how to behave by looking to what others are doing
- Door-in-the-face technique: persuader begins with a large request and they will expect to be rejected. The persuader will ask for a smaller request (their intended goal) and rely on guilt for the victim to accept
Persuasion is used daily even if you are not aware of it. Adverts and sales people use persuasion for their job. However, you are the one doing the persuading and want to improve your skills; all you have to do is listen. Listening to the other person and always be on their side is the most important aspect of persuasion. Here are other ways to improve your persuading techniques:
- Be open to the recipient of the person you are trying to persuade. You want them to be relaxed
- Mirror their response. This gives the impression that their viewpoint has been fully received
- Understand their viewpoint on the subject
- Like the previous step, be more agreeable. People like agreeable people and they will be more willing to be accepting.
- Don’t use the word “but.” It negates all the previous effort on trying to be agreeable and open to their viewpoint.
By: Tamar Asayan
Everyone has experienced rejection whether it was not getting the job you wanted, your friends not inviting you somewhere and posting about it online, or even having someone not like you back. Rejection is the loss of something you may have once had or wanted. It is similar to abandonment because it leaves you feeling less than and unwanted. Unfortunately, rejection is something that cannot be avoided and it is a part of life that everyone will have to experience. No matter how small or big the rejection you experience is, it is always going to hurt you and leave an emotional wound. Not only does rejection cause emotional pain, but it also damages someone’s self-esteem and effects one’s mood resulting in frustration and anger. An article, “Why Rejection Hurts So Much-and What to do About it” states, “The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal pain” (Winch). If you are feeling the pain of being rejected here are some ways to cope and overcome it in healthier ways.
- Acknowledge the pain and grief of loss
- When you are rejected, you may feel embarrassed and don’t know how to exactly cope with it. You may repress your feelings and ignore the fact that you are in pain.
- In order to accept rejection, you must accept the pain of what you are going through. Whether it is crying, going to therapy, exercising, or even journaling, it is important to relieve and express the emotions faced when being rejected.
- Don’t blame yourself
- Most of the time you don’t understand why you have been rejected and naturally you place the blame on yourself.
- The reason you believe you are at fault is because early in life you may have been taught to believe that you are not enough.
- Do not take responsibility for what is out of your control.
- Put yourself out there
- Rejection is part of the process which leads to success. Do not take it personally, it’s part of life.
- Putting yourself out there can make you less sensitive to rejection; the more you are rejected the less it hurt us.
- Build your resiliency
- To be resilient is to be able to recover or come back from a stressful or traumatizing event.
- Resiliency can be learned by doing some of the following:
- Having an open mind
- Seeking solutions
- Learning from an experience
- Seeking support
- Knowing your worth and strengths
If you or someone you know is feeling rejected or dealing with rejection, call now to make an appointment to speak with one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists. Contact us at our Paramus, NJ (201) 368-3700 or Manhattan, NY offices at or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.
By: Dianna Gomez
Where would the world be without communication? Whether it be conscious or unconscious, we communicate in one way or another with those around us every minute of every day. We communicate in the work place, in relationships, with our friends and family – sometimes even when passing by strangers walking down the street. You would think that with the amount of communicating we do as a human species on a daily basis, we would have it all down to a “ T ” by now but that is far from the truth. Every once in a while we experience miscommunication and other frustrations related to interacting with the people around us. In order to improve the quality of communication in one’s own life, it is important to begin by understanding the different methods of communication between each gender. There are so many fundamental differences regarding the way in which men and women behave and think when it comes to communication. On average, women tend to speak more than men and when each gender is communicating, they do so for different reasons and from different perspectives.
Here is a list of these differences:
- Reasons For Talking
- Men believe that communication should always have a clear purpose. Whether there is a problem in need of a solution or a specific question needing an answer, men use communication to get to the bottom of any topic of conversation in the most efficient way possible. On the other hand, a woman views communication as a way to discover how she may feel about something. Women like to lay all the potential pros and cons out on the table and discuss each more thoroughly. When it comes to relationships, communication is a way in which women increase intimacy with their significant others. They share their thoughts to rid themselves of any negative feelings they may be having.
2. How Much Should Be Said
- Similarly to the first point, men always put productivity and efficiency at the very top of their lists. When telling a story, men only share the details that are absolutely necessary to get to the point. Women tend to share as much detail as possible, even if it isn’t necessarily needed. This is often times why men may interrupt women half way through an explanation when they have already received the point that is ultimately trying to be made.
3. What Does It Mean To “Listen?”
- When a woman first initiates a conversation with a man, she assumes they are doing so to obtain some type of advice or assistance. They automatically think to themselves “what can we actually do about this?” From the woman’s perspective, having the conversation all on it’s own is a way of finding a solution to any problem. Women just want to feel like they are being heard and understood, and if they feel this is happening any problem will already feel partially solved.
Communication is so important in every aspect of our lives. Especially when it comes to having relationships with significant others, if these fundamental differences aren’t already understood, there will be many disagreements and arguments about things that there wouldn’t be otherwise. Regardless of what gender you are, the next time you find yourself feeling frustrated when communicating with the opposite sex, take a step back and try to see the situation from their point of view. If this is done over a long enough period of time, you will find that life will soon go a lot smoother in all areas of your life.
If you or anybody you know may be having trouble with communication or may be having relationship problems they can’t seem to resolve, the licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy can assist you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit us at http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.
By: Kristine Dugay
“Get good grades, join sports and clubs, find a part-time job, eat well, and have a social life… but don’t forget to get enough sleep!” These are the unrealistic expectations college students are tired of hearing and trying to achieve. The fact is, 24 hours just isn’t enough time in one day. Stress is a huge underlying factor contributing to depression within college students. 44% of American college students report having some form of mental illness, including depression. However, 75% of these students do not seek help for these problems. Although college life can be hard to handle, there are ways to reduce and manage stress.
Practice time management skills: You will get a feeling of control over your life.
Find humor in your life: Laughter is the best medicine.
Avoid procrastination: It can affect the quality of your mood, work, and sleep.
Practice good sleep habits: Sleep deprivation can cause physical and mental problems.
Work within your limits: Set realistic expectations for yourself and others.
Seek the support of your friends and family: Vent sessions relieve tension and stress.
It’s easier said than done to accomplish these “small” tasks. If you believe that you or a loved one has or may have issues with depression, anxiety, or stress, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.
Waking Up Paralyzed
By: Kristine Dugay
Imagine waking up on any given day, you’re conscious, but you can’t move a muscle as if you’re paralyzed. If you find yourself unable to speak or move for a few seconds or minutes upon waking up or falling asleep, there is a great chance that you have sleep paralysis. On average, four out of every ten people may have sleep paralysis, and both men and women of any age can have it. Sleep paralysis occurs when a person passes between stages of wakefulness and sleep. This condition occurs one of two times. If it happens as you are falling asleep, it is called hypnagogic or predormital sleep paralysis. If it occurs as you are waking up, it is called hypnopompic or postdormital sleep paralysis. Though it may run in families, factors that may be linked to the condition include lack of sleep, sleep schedule changes, mental conditions such as stress or bipolar disorder, narcolepsy, certain medications, and substance abuse.
While being in this state of mind is extremely frightening, there is no need to treat this condition. Sleep paralysis is usually self-treatable and self-diagnosable. Although treatment depends on severity, the main way of treating sleep paralysis is improving your sleeping habits. However, treatment can also include treating any mental health problems that may contribute to sleep paralysis or using antidepressant medication if it is prescribed to help regulate sleep cycles. Sleep paralysis is most commonly found in those who are narcoleptic or have sleep apnea, but unfortunately it can affect anyone. Common symptoms include anxiety, hallucinations, and paralysis.
If you feel your symptoms cause anxiety, leave you very tired throughout the day, or keep you up during the night, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.
Sources: http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/sleep-paralysis#2 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcolepsy/basics/symptoms/con-20027429
Depression or Sadness?
By: Kristine Dugay
Have you ever woken up one morning and wish you hadn’t? Not because it’s Monday or because you didn’t want to get ready for work or school, but simply because you wish you’d never wake up. Everyone has their bad days and sad moods, but when sadness constantly appears for no apparent reason it could be depression. Depression versus ordinary unhappiness is distinguished by longer and deeper feelings of despondency. With depression, all aspects of your life seem less enjoyable, important, loveable, and interesting. Depression mentally and physically drains your energy and you begin to have the inability to experience happiness, excitement, love, connection, and purpose.
Sadness is often related to circumstance, whereas depression is related to a mental illness. Being seriously bummed out over a breakup or getting a bad grade on an assignment can be terrible, but you’re still able to enjoy your favorite foods and T.V. shows. On the other hand, depression takes away the things that used to be significant and exciting for you and turns them into something that you lack interest in. If you constantly experience the following, there is a great chance you are depressed:
- Feelings of worthlessness and self-blame
- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable
- Thoughts of suicide
- Hopelessness about the future
- Overeating or appetite loss
- Fatigue/decreased energy
If you believe that yourself or a loved one has or may have depression, suicidal thoughts, or interpersonal problems, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.
It’s that time of year when everyone is anticipating the upcoming academic school year. With students returning to campus, parties will be on the rise. Welcome back parties are anticipated events on college campuses. Whether one is aware or not, these parties run rampant with various types of drugs. Some students are willing participants whereas others are unknowingly participating in the use of substances. Use of these drugs or substances may lead to risky behavior than can later have effects on the user and others in close proximity.
Some strategies to avoid being under the influence whether knowingly or unknowingly are listed below.
- Know your limits.
- If you’re going to drink alcohol, know what number of drinks will cause impairment. It’s not advisable to take other substances because of the effects they may cause alone or combined.
- Have a buddy system established.
- Even though you are college student, have someone that will be responsible for you and vice versa. If you intend on consuming or using any substances, have a designated driver. Have that person ensure your safety throughout the night.
- Be careful.
- Do not take drinks from random individuals. If you did not see the drink being opened or poured into a glass, kindly reject it. Likewise, be aware of anything that you consume.
- Have fun.
- So you’ve established a safety plan, great! Go out and enjoy yourself!
Written by: L. Matthew
There may be times individuals experience bursts of energy and during this time they may have little to no sleep and still feel energized, speak at a faster pace than usual, or participate in high risk behaviors/goal directed behaviors. These symptoms can be found in someone diagnosed with mania. When one experiences these symptoms, they may experience a feeling of euphoria that gradually declines. Mania is usually associated with some form of mood disorder such as bipolar disorder and is not by itself a diagnosis. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Volume 5 (DSM-V), mania is characterized by a period of at least 1 week where an elevated, expansive or unusually irritable mood is present. A person experiencing a manic episode also is usually engaged in significant goal-directed activity beyond their normal activities. This behavior is usually observable by others. When someone is experiencing a manic episode, it usually causes some level of impairment. As mentioned previously, once a manic individual’s euphoric state starts to decline, they may end up in a state of depression. As individuals are switching from one state to another, they may cause great harm to themselves or others.
If you know anyone who has experienced this behavior, encourage them to seek professional help. With offices in Manhattan and New Jersey (Paramus and Englewood), Arista Counseling offers treatment for bipolar disorder, depression, personality disorders, and much more. Evaluations are also performed on site. Please feel free to contact us at or Manhattan location at (212) 996-3939 or at our New Jersey location at (201) 368-3700.
Written by: L Matthew
By: Ellie Robbins
Going away to college is a brand new experience for all recent high-school graduates. There are more stressors than one may be able to count: being in an unfamiliar setting, taking out loans, lack of structure, being away from one’s parents, living on one’s own, making new friends where one has none, and more. Inevitably, the transition from high school to college is going to be a little bumpy.
However, once students move past these transitional worries, mental health is still greatly affected by being in a college atmosphere. Many colleges boast high academics, and this puts pressure on students to be competitive when it comes to their work, sometimes pushing their bodies and minds further than they should. The looming idea of the future weighs on the students even harder.
College is also a time for experimentation. For many students, this is the first time they ever are able to reinvent themselves, without the scrutiny of their parents or peers who have known them their whole lives. The identity-searching phase from our middle school years that we are all too familiar with seems to come back around. Not knowing oneself is scary; searching for oneself can be even harder and causes immense stress on an already over-worked young student.
Each college experience is undoubtedly different. There are bound to be more stressors for one student than for another, but the transitional period and independence is new for everyone. These experiences take a toll on students’ mental and physical health. Therefore, it is essential for college students to be aware of mental health resources both on and off campus. Almost all colleges have some sort of counseling center on campus. At many colleges, over 50% of students have been to the counseling center at least once during their 4 years at college.
If you are having difficulty in transitioning into college, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, social workers, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling are here to help. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.
Comments are welcome
Relationships: Emotional Abuse
By: Catherine Ferreira
The typical image of an abusive partnership is often one of violence. It is one of bruises and broken bones; of random angry outbursts and bloodied hands. While not far from the truth, this portrayal can more often than not be greatly misleading.
There is a much deadlier, more sinister form of abuse that is not often talked about. It is not always noticeable, either. It takes the form of emotional abuse, or “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish one’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth”1. Emotionally abusive relationships do not simply consist of dramatic emotional outbursts or random fits of anger. It is so deadly exactly because it is so subtle: something as simple as “You’ve been gaining a lot of weight lately” can be an act of violence because it implies your partner has a degree of control over you.
It can come out in more overt ways, too: manipulation and ultimatums; threatening to kill oneself; unfounded jealousy and a sense of entitlement; constant begging, badgering, stalking—all of these and more constitute what it means to be in an abusive relationship. Worst of all, they are symptoms of a toxic cycle that is hard to acknowledge and harder still to break.
Fortunately, however, guidance from a professional therapist can help you learn how to break out of this cycle. If you or a loved one live in Manhattan or Bergen County New Jersey and are in need of therapy or relationship counseling, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can assist you. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.