It Was Forever & Now It’s Over—Finding Yourself After a Breakup

By: Dariana Taveras

We all know what you’re thinking when you incessantly click through their Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter accounts in search of any clue or suggestions that maybe, just maybe, they’ll be open enough to want you back. You swipe through old pictures of your relationship attempting to figure out when things started to change. You wonder if perhaps some other factor played into your breakup other than the reality that maybe your partner lost interest over time or was not suited to be the partner you hoped he or she would be. The following steps might help you through a difficult breakup:

  1. Stay away—any relationship is a two-way street and you shouldn’t and CAN’T convince anyone to love you or stay with you. If your partner no longer wishes to be in a relationship with you, please do yourself a favor and let them go!
  2. Do NOT make excuses— If they genuinely hurt you, you cannot pretend that their behavior is acceptable. Remember that you cannot apologize to yourself on their behalf, only your ex can do that.
  3. Write it all down— what you’re feeling and why you think you’re feeling that way.
  4. Change your environment—It serves as the facilitator for your emotional feelings. If something at home or in the places that you frequent reminds you of your ex, perhaps attempt to remove, redecorate or rearrange how those particular items are set up. Also, don’t be afraid to try new places!
  5. FOCUS ON YOURSELF– Now is your chance to really tune in to who you are. Indulge in new hobbies, spend time with your loved ones, and realize that you have the potential to find happiness within yourself.

If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may be having relationship issues, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy can assist you. They have successfully helped many with marriage, pre-marital, and relationship issues. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

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Maybe It May Be

By: Dariana Taveras

Is it indecision or obsessive doubting?

Should we have sent that text because we really wanted to make things right… or should we have waited for that individual to be the bigger person and apologize? Should we have wasted 45 minutes mindlessly scrolling through our News Feed, liking every picture and sharing that relevant blog post or… should we have gone to the gym instead? Should we search for a new job opportunity? Should we have saved some more money each week to someday buy the home of our dreams or should we continue to foolishly spend our money at the local bar? Should we apply to our dream university or perhaps chose a different career path? Should we have married our spouse or should we have waited for a better partner? Time and time again, the answer seems to be maybe. Maybe we should do this… or maybe we should have done that.

Occasionally, uncertainty revolves around the choices we make. We yearn to know what is coming next, leaving the unexpected quite unwelcome. We seem to have an overarching desire to know that the results we hope for will take effect.  In turn, we often tend to associate uncertainty with fear and hopelessness. We quickly begin to dread the unanticipated instead of embracing the potentially positive opportunities that may arise. Instead of merely being a matter of indecision, it may quickly turn out to be a form of obsessive doubting.

It is important to remember that within the unknown there may be an incredibly rich sea of options that allows a freedom of choices beyond our immediate recognition. The idea of “maybe” suggests that every single experience and situation may render endless possibilities. It is also possible that whatever circumstance we face will work out in our favor or bring new solutions. The key is to expand our minds so that we may truly embrace all that is or may be.

If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may feel conflicted or riddled with indecisiveness or obsessive doubting, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling&Psychotherapy can assist you.  Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

New Year’s Resolution or Dissolution

By: Dariana Taveras

The clock was ticking as billions across the globe anxiously anticipated the magical strike signaling a new year filled with endless opportunities. Friends, families, acquaintances, lovers, and partners alike gathered around to warmly welcome 2015 with remarkable hopes, aspirations, and goals to be achieved. The New Year provides a clean slate of novel opportunities that reflect a potential for change that may foster personal growth and a perceived sense of stability. In other words, everyone’s favorite phrase has returned…..”I made a New Year’s Resolution.”

Typically, individuals speak of yearning for weight loss, a grander bank account, a lasting relationship, career success, and even happiness. Although January 1st can serve as the propeller of motivation and conviction, some individuals find it increasingly difficult to accomplish their goals. Perhaps explanations for this may be setting unrealistic goals for oneself, lack of faith in one’s abilities, becoming discouraged due to failure, a lack of focus, or even simply hoping for change instead of taking action. All of these explanations may certainly cause heavy distress and feelings of guilt, remorse, sadness, or anxiety.

Consequently, it may be incredibly beneficial to take these easy steps to ensure that your New Year’s Resolution does not fall short of your wishes.

  1. Believe that you can achieve
    your goal.
  2. Strive for goals that are meaningful to you and which are attainable based on your skills, talents, education, and experience.
  3. Celebrate your small steps forward instead of immediately bashing any mishaps.
  4. Appreciate your achievements one day at a time. Be patient. Success takes time.
  5. Be proactive, have a plan, do not procrastinate!

If you are concerned that you or anyone you care about may need someone to compassionately listen to your concerns, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling&Psychotherapy can assist you.  Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Anxiety – Stop Procrastinating! – Bergen County NJ

 By: Michelle Diernakeep-calm-and-stop-procrastinating-8

Ever feel like you catch yourself avoiding tasks and putting your attention elsewhere when in the back of your mind you know the task has to be done regardless? Well, you’re not alone. Procrastination is putting important tasks that need to be done aside and distracting yourself  in any way possible from finishing the task this leading to the task getting completed later than expected, which may cause anxiety to rise. When you know something has to be done and it’ not completed in an appropriate timely fashion, large amounts of unnecessary pressure can be placed on an individual.

If you want to overcome procrastination  it’s helpful to center your mind on chasing the goal (i.e., how you will complete a task) or to focus on the outcome of the duty. Focus depends on a variety of things and interacts with aversive tendencies-inducing dislike of the task. Many times fear of failure and how we perceive the strength of our abilities is what leads to procrastinating.

Some Useful Tips to STOP procrastinating!

*Time Management-Plan your days. If you know you are more functional in the morning  plan to accomplish your duties in the morning, instead of waiting for the evening where you might not feel as energized and motivated-and vise versa.

Time Management is crucial to prioritizing what tasks need to be finished first, and what tasks can be finished at a later time. It is easier to complete unwanted trivial tasks if you know they will be finished at a definite time.

*Don’t overwhelm yourself –especially with large tasks. Break them down into steps that can realistically be finished rather than stressing over one overwhelming assignment/task. Keep track of each step and make sure that each step can be accomplished in twenty minutes or less if possible.

*Change your environment- Sometimes changing your environment can have extremely positive impacts on your productivity. {I.e. try doing your work somewhere peaceful, like a park instead of a noisy house}.

*Provide rewards for the accomplishments you have achieved from the day- Each time that you complete a task/assignment give yourself a mini break to decompress and prepare your mind and body for the next task you have to finish. After you have finished, you can schedule to watch your favorite show or go out with a few friends to reward yourself for successfully finishing the stressful duties that everyday life can bring.

If you or a loved one happens to be facing issues that involve procrastination and are struggling to maintain motivation to complete goals that you want achieved, and are in the Bergen County, New Jersey area, or Manhattan, feel free to call our office to make an appointment with one of our own therapists, counselors, psychologists or psychiatrists to get the guidance needed.

Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920

More detailed information can be found at http://www.acenterfortherapy.com