Divorce: Trust in Children


Divorce: Trust in Children

By: Daniela Chica

Although only 1/3 of marriages experience marital issues and end in divorce, the toll that it takes on all members of the family is undeniable. Children in particular bear the brunt of the issues as they are often left feeling hopeless and untrusting. When going through a divorce, children can often lose confidence in their parents as well as pick up various deceitful or contradictory behaviors. While they can lose trust in their parents, they can also experience problems forming bonds or intimate relationships in the future. There are various things you can do to ensure that your children continue to experience a loving, caring and trusting environment after or during a divorce:

  • Do not make promises you can’t keep
  • Speak with your kids about age appropriate topics regarding the divorce
  • Allow your kids to express their feelings and aid them in the process
  • Connect with your kids using entertaining activities
  • Be physically and emotionally involved
  • Show your kids lots of unconditional love

Growing up with divorced parents can be difficult, but it’s not impossible for children to learn how to trust others and themselves again if they experience positive environments. It’s never too late to ensure that your children feel trust and confidence in their parents.

If you and your spouse are experiencing marital difficulties or your child is experiencing depression or anxiety, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/.




Sexual Aversion Disorder (Continued): What are the Causes?


If you feel that your sex life is being avoided due to feelings of fear or disgust, you are not alone. A disorder known as sexual aversion disorder can be the reason you are feeling this way. The most common causes of this disorder are interpersonal problems and traumatic experiences. For interpersonal problems, people usually avoid sexual engagement with a specific partner due to underlying tension or discontent with the relationship they are in. These problems can include discovery of marital infidelity, domestic abuse, partner’s lack of hygiene, or major disagreements over topics such as children or money. The key to determining if sexual aversion disorder is due to interpersonal problems is whether someone with the disorder had previously enjoyed sexual engagement with their partner.

Traumatic experiences are also found to be the cause of sexual aversion disorder, but tend to be displayed in a more generalized way. Traumatic experiences can include incest, rape, molestation, or other forms of sexual abuse. In order to dissociate or forget about these painful memories, people suffering from sexual aversion disorder will distance themselves from any and all sexual interactions. This can also be viewed as a preventative measure for people suffering from the disorder, in order to avoid any future possibilities of sexual assault. More generalized sexual aversion disorder can also be due to religious or cultural teachings that look down upon sexual activity, and lead people to associate sex with excessive feelings of guilt. To learn more about sexual aversion disorder’s classifications, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatments please continue to follow our blog posts at CounselingRx.com Arista Psychological & Psychiatric Services.

If you believe that you or a loved one has or may have sexual aversion disorder, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can help you. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices respectively at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment.

Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com  for more information.

Sources: http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Sexual-aversion-disorder.html

By: Margalit I. Herzfeld


Relationships-Dating-Commitment: Missing the Game While Playing the Field

By: Dariana Taveras

How Your Dating Behavior May Be a Sign of Commitment Issues

Heart and kissy-face Emojis are mindlessly sent and delivered to several potential romantic interests through text messages. Regardless of who they are sent to, there is only one reply that you are really hoping for. It is from the person that you are attracted to far beyond their physical attributes. It is the individual whose face immediately brightens your day through an inviting glance. It is the one who has the charming laugh that replays most beautifully in your thoughts. It is the person who is able to solace your silence with comfort, somehow understanding your lack of self-disclosure.

In an ideal world, you would be with them. The only problem is…you cannot. But why?

Your dating behavior may be hurting your potential to find a long-term relationship due to any of the following personal commitment issues:

  • Struggling with being open about your emotions
  • Not knowing how to effectively verbalize your feelings to others
  • Experiencing fears about ending up emotionally hurt
  • Low feelings of self-worth or low self-esteem
  • Lack of self-confidence
  • Not wanting to be restricted by being in a monogamous relationship

Romantic relationships are not an easy feat. If you or anyone you care about may be struggling with commitment issues or if you are currently in a relationship that is lacking commitment, the licensed professionals at Arista Counseling&Psychotherapy can assist you.  Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment.  Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.

Listening: A Multifaceted Skill- Bergen County, NJ

By: Laine Podell


Listening: A Multifaceted Skill

One of the traits many people look for in a partner is good listening skills. But what does it actually take to qualify as a “good listener”?

Imagine the following scenario—someone gets upset because they feel their partner is not listening to them. The partner counters by repeating the most recent lines that were spoken, to prove they were indeed listening. This response shows they heard the words, not that they were being a good listener.  There are many other factors we must consider besides hearing, to recognize good listening skills.

First is providing undivided attention. While having a conversation, if you are simultaneously watching a baseball game or flipping through a clothing catalogue, you are not being the best listener you can be. Find a time when both parties can provide their complete attention.

Next, remember that listening involves two senses—hearing and seeing. Of course you must hear the words, but communication is largely about body language. A good listener additionally looks for nonverbal cues to properly understand what is said. Facial expressions and posture are two examples of cues which are an important part of connection.

 Finally, hearing is meaningless until the words are processed and understood. Absorb what was said, and provide a response when appropriate. If you do not understanding something, ask the person for clarification. Sometimes it may take interpreting, while other cases may be more straightforward.

 Always remember that listening is multifaceted. If communication is an issue in your relationship or family, professional counseling may be beneficial. If you are in Bergen County, New Jersey, feel free to call 201-368-3700 to find out more information or make an appointment with one of our own licensed professional counselors, therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists who have helped many with troubles such as yours.

Marriage & Relationships: Is your partner in love? – Bergen County, NJ

By: Davine Holness

how to tell if your partner loves you

Marriage & Relationships: What are some signs that can clue you in that your partner loves you?

Actions speak louder than words.  Couples and marriage partners often say they love each other, but how do they show it?  Here are some clues that have been found by psychological research to be signs of being in love.  People who are in love…

  1. Find time for each other.  They want to spend as much time with each other as they can.
  2. Ask each other about their day, keeping lines of communication open.
  3.  Trust each other, giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
  4. Provide help for each other when it’s needed
  5. Respect each other’s points of view, even if there is disagreement.
  6. Include each other in important decisions.
  7. Show affection and are emotionally intimate.  They show signs of physical closeness.
  8. Look at each other and enjoy each other’s presence.
  9. Reminisce together, reliving enjoyable moments.
  10. See the relationship as worth fighting for.
  11. Boost each other’s self esteem and make each other feel valued.

For help with any kind of relationship issues, feel free to talk to the experienced marriage and relationship counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 996-3939.


Krauss, S. (2014, March 15). 11 Ways to Tell if Your Lover Loves You. Retrieved June 9, 2014

Anger Management: How to Stop a Fight

By: Davine Holness

how to prevent an argument

Anger management tips: conflict de-escalation

When we get into heated arguments, we often find ourselves saying things we regret or things we don’t mean.  In addition to being unpleasant, arguments can chip away at the harmony in a relationship and even have deleterious health effects.  Thankfully, even those who have struggled with anger management in the past can take certain steps to deescalate a verbal conflict.  With a strategy called unilateral disarmament, individuals can stop at the peak of an argument and focus their own behaviors in order to approach the conversation from a more loving stance.

  1. The first step is to relax.  Anger decreases our ability to think about the effects of our words, so access a calmer attitude through deep breathing or by counting down from 10.
  2. Refrain from backlash.  If your partner is provoking you, don’t take the bait.  Remain in control of your actions and keep in mind that winning the argument is probably not as important as maintaining closeness in the relationship.
  3. Display warmth.  Rather than fighting to hold on to power, show vulnerability and affection.  You might take your partner’s hand, look them in the eye, and say something that comes from the heart rather than from the ego.
  4. Practice empathy.  Humbly put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  This does not mean giving up your point of view, but accepting that the other person sees things differently.  This way, you can each begin to understand each other’s viewpoints.
  5. Name it to tame it.  Articulate your feelings to yourself and then share them with your partner.  You can then identify what’s causing these feelings and work toward fixing it and avoiding it in the future.


If you are having trouble with relationships or anger management, feel free to contact the Manhattan or Bergen County, New Jersey offices of Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy to speak with a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist.  Call (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 for an evaluation.  Visit www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.



Firestone, L. (2014, April 16). 5 Steps to End Any Fight. . Retrieved June 3, 2014

Marriage Counseling – Love vs. Infatuation – Bergen County NJ

By: Davine Holness

Marriage: Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can help forge a healthy relationship

Marriage: Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can help forge a healthy relationship

One of the most beautiful feelings of the human experience is being in love.   However, many relationships have ended because people discovered that what they had thought was love was in fact merely its deceptive cousin: infatuation.  In any relationship, it’s important to know where you stand, and in amorous relationships this means finding out whether you’re truly in love or just infatuated with the other person.  While most people are infatuated with their love partners to an extent, it is important to understand which of the two forces is the basis of the relationship.  This knowledge can help you make wise decisions about commitments, and give you a better understanding of yourself and your partner.  Understanding the difference between love and infatuation will lead to a healthier, happier love life.


Infatuation is static: it is the passionate feeling when someone else is all you can think about.  It is when you are attracted to the person, and your priorities are built around them, but there is no shared growth or development.  When a relationship is based on infatuation, there is often little trust, loyalty, and commitment – the relationship isn’t a mutual give-and-take.  The key feature of infatuation is an unrealistic idea of who the other person is, and what the relationship will provide for your life.


Love, on the other hand is a dynamic process that involves shared emotion, trust and growth.  It’s constant consideration for the other person that leads to joint planning and decision making.   The important thing is knowing who the person really is, knowing that the relationship won’t be perfect, and loving them anyway. The relationship evolves as the individuals mature and needs change; the two parties work together in building a shared future.  Love is strong enough to outlast the ups and downs of life.


So how can you go about differentiating between love and infatuation?  Asking yourself the following questions can help you figure it out:


  • Are you truly happy?  Are you treated as a person of value?
  • Is there hope for a shared future?  Are the two of you thinking and planning as a couple rather than separately?
  • Is your life better because of your partner?
  • Are you foregoing your dreams for your partner, or are you restructuring your dreams to fit each other?
  • Does your partner’s mother know about you?
  • Most importantly: does the relationship bring out the best in each of you?


Telling the difference between true love and infatuation is not easy.  If you are working through this or other relationship/marriage issues, the Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of Arista Counseling and Psychiatric Services can help.  Call us to arrange an appointment with one of our marriage counselors, psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists.


Arista Counseling: (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920

Visit our website for more info: http://www.acenterfortherapy.com/

Anger Management: Can Keeping the Peace Keep You Alive?

Research on the effects of arguments on health

By: Davine Holness

Anger management: Argumentativeness may increase your risk of health problems

Anger management: Argumentativeness may increase your risk of health problems

While arguments can be hard to avoid, most of us know how damaging they can be to relationships.  But a new study published in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health reveals that frequent expressions of anger and verbal altercations may be just as damaging for physical health.  The research was conducted by a team at the University of Copenhagen and kept track of 9,875 participants from 2000 to 2011.  The results were shocking: the participants who had initially reported that they had anger issues and often argued with people in their social circle were at least twice as likely to have died by the end of the eleven-year period during which the study was conducted.  This correlation might be because people with conflict-ridden families might be more reluctant to seek treatment for medical, psychological and psychiatric concerns.  Another posited explanation for the increased risk of death is that stress from frequent clashes with friends and family increases one’s chances of getting certain ailments such as hypertension, high levels of cortisol, inflammation, and angina.

What’s causing all this conflict?  The reasons may vary from person to person, but there are some common ways of thinking that cause arguments and verbal expressions of anger.  One of these is emotional insistence on something that’s highly unlikely to occur.  Such insistence happens when we try to change that over which we have no control; when we won’t budge, an argument is bound to ensue.  Another factor is stubbornness: we often over-value being right.  Rather than admit to others – and to ourselves – that we have made a mistake, we put more energy into proving our point and conflict escalates.  A similar issue is blaming others: attributing the fault for our own problems on other people or circumstances.  This does not leave room for resolution.

If arguments are causing problems in your life, therapy may help.  Feel free to contact the Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920.  Visit www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information.



Bundrant, M. (n.d.). » Common Form of Expression Doubles Risk of Death – NLP Discoveries. Psych Central. Retrieved May 30, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2014/05