Abusive relationships: recognizing the signs and knowing when to ask for help

By: Aricia Stefanakys

When we think of the word “abuse” we often think of the physical aspects of it. Many people assume that abuse is solely physical. Unfortunately, people don’t realize they are in an abusive relationship because of this misconception. More often than not, people are actually experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the act of using words and non-physical actions to control, hurt, or scare you. This is a more subtle form of abuse that can be tricky to detect until the relationship grows deeper.

What are some signs of emotional abuse?

• Love bombing
• Insults / name calling
• Possessiveness
• Intimidation
• Disrespecting boundaries
• Yelling
• Gaslighting

The abuser uses tactics like love bombing to trap and manipulate the victim into thinking that despite their actions, they still love and need them. Love bombing is the act of showering the victims with compliments and affection in the goals of manipulating them later. They often start with joking and teasing until it eventually progresses into mocking and insulting. Once the victim expresses they felt hurt by their actions the abuser gaslights the victim into thinking they are in the wrong and misinterpreted what happened. They attempt to make themselves look perfect in front of others, making it even harder for others to see the abuse that is going on within the relationship ultimately closing the victim off from friends and family. It can also be difficult for the victim to convince themselves to leave their abuser because they don’t want to see the worst in their partner. The abuser may even apologize for their actions and blame it on their past or simply having a “bad day”.  Eventually this can escalate into physical abuse with the abuser making threats to hurt themselves or others. Other forms of abuse can also be financial, sexual, and even spiritual.

If you suspect you are being abused here are some things you should do…

• Reach out to a friend and ask them for advice
• Keep the phone locked and by you at all times in case you need to call for help
• Keep track of everything your partner does that may seem like subtle abuse
• Visit Lila helpline to find support services near you
• Visit the Safety Net project for safety and privacy tips to keep yourself safe online
• Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233

Remember that you are not alone and there is always support out there. If you notice any signs of worsening abuse it might be in your best interest to leave the relationship as soon as possible. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Always put your safety first.

Sources:

• https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/#:~:text=It’s%20when%20a%20perpetrator%20uses,using%20derogatory%20words%20about%20you
• https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/subtlesignsofemotionalabuse.php
• https://www.unwomen.org/en/articles/faqs/faqs-the-signs-of-relationship-abuse-and-how-to-help

If you or someone you know may be struggling with loneliness, or their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/