children and grief

How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss

By: Josette DeFranco

A question you don’t hear enough but should be asked more is “What is grief?” Grief is the terrible pain that accompanies loss. Since grief is a reflection of our love, it can feel suffocating. There is no time limit for healing the pain that comes along with loss. Many individuals try to suppress their pain and agony causing them to feel guilt and stagnant. Many individuals may experience grief in short passes where the feeling of distress and sadness comes and goes. Meanwhile, others may experience grief for a long period, such as months or years. It’s important to remind yourself and others that you can grieve at your own pace.

In addition, children experience grief and loss in many different ways. Children are like sponges; they take in information through observation and learned behavior. Although they are young they have deep feelings and can understand their own emotions more than it is perceived. When children grieve it can be a confusing time for them and parents. Do you tell the truth? Or do you rationalize and give simple answers such as “Grandpa is just sleeping.” Being present with them allows you to grieve as well. When children see that their parents can be vulnerable and compassionate it allows them to express themselves and be who they really are.

Here are a couple of ways to help children cope with grief:

  • You can tell children the truth, even though you might not include all the specific information. Mentioning to them that Grandpa is sleeping may cause them to feel afraid to go to sleep or telling them he is in heaven may make them pack their belongings and find heaven. Be clear, honest, and simple.
  • Allow them to ask questions. You can’t protect them from the truth but you can give them your empathetic support and love.
  • Attending the funeral or keeping children home. Ask your child and allow them to decide. If they say yes, have someone who will be present with them and can keep them occupied in case being around sad adults gets overwhelming. If they say no, you can offer another way to remember or honor the person such as showing pictures or lighting a candle.
  • Give reassurance.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://aristapsychiatrypsychotherapy.com/

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/playful-parenting/202301/how-to-help-children-cope-with-death-and-grief

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-of-grief/201903/when-children-grieve

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief

Helping Children Deal with Grief

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Helping Children Deal with Grief

By: Michaela Reynolds

Losing a loved one is inevitable and can be one of the most difficult times in life. Sadly, you cannot protect your children from the pain of the loss, but you can help them build healthy coping skills. The grieving process will look different to everyone, but it is especially different with children compared to adults. For example, preschool children will most likely view death as temporary and reversible. This is because cartoon character’s death in TV shows or movies usually will die and come back to life. While children between the ages of 5-9 will start to think of death like adults do. However, they will view death as rare and not something that will happen to them.

It is important to help the child express feelings about the death. A way to do this is by reading the child books about death, telling stories or looking at pictures of the person who died. It is also important for you to express your own sadness and make them aware that it is okay to be sad at this time. Offer your support and comfort when you can, while also encouraging them to ask any questions or talk about their feelings.

It is normal that the following weeks after the death for the child to feel immediate grief or believe that the person is still alive. However, long-term denial or avoidance of grief can be unhealthy and can lead to severe future problems.

Signs of children experiencing serious problems with grief:

  • Extended period of depression: a child loses interest in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite, inability to sleep, and prolonged fear of being alone
  • Excessive imitation of the person who died
  • Acting much younger for an extended period of time
  • Believing they are talking to or seeing the person who died
  • Withdrawal from friends
  • Sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend

If these signs persist, please seek professional help; a child and adolescent mental health professional will be able to help your child accept and properly grieve the death.

If you or someone you know is seeking therapy for the loss of a loved one, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/  

Sources:

https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-deal-grief/

https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Grief-008.aspx

Image: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/supporting-child-through-grief-and-loss