Relationships

Relationships: How to Maintain Long Distance Relationships

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Relationships: How to Maintain Long Distance Relationships

By Colleen Susanto

Long distance relationships aren’t easy. We always want to be with the person we love, stay by their side, and spend time with them. Our emotional and mental well-being are very much important and relationships affect these.  A long distance relationship or LDR requires the proper attention for it to keep blooming. It’s easy to feel hopeless, but being in an LDR can bring out the best in partners.

As we all probably know, communication is the key. Whether in an LDR or not, it’s the backbone of a relationship and it becomes more crucial when miles apart. Set clear expectations on how to communicate with your partner. Another key is honesty. In an LDR, transparency matters even more. Talk about your feelings with your partner and open up about how you feel whether you feel sad, insecure, angry, or happy. Hiding emotions creates unnecessary tension between you and your partner.

Just because you are not next to each other, doesn’t mean you can’t share your world. Small gestures help create a sense of connection. You can talk about your daily experiences or send random pictures to make your partner included. Long distance relationships require patience, communication, and trust, but they can be deeply rewarding. When both partners put in the effort, distance can strengthen the bond rather than break it. Remember that it’s not the miles between you, but it’s the love between the two of you that does.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or relationships, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201)-368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2022/07/22/how-to-have-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/

https://bumble.com/en/the-buzz/longdistancetips

Relationships and Money: Money problems could be affecting your relationship

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Relationships and Money: Money problems could be affecting your relationship

By: Michelle Cocone

Money doesn’t usually get discussed in relationships until it becomes a hardship. When it does occur, you and your partner might find yourselves in a repetitive argument, leading to stress. According to Psychology Today, about 70% of the population in the U.S. is married; they might face money problems throughout their marriage. It’s not uncommon to have differences in handling money as people are raised differently. It’s never too late to discuss finances with your partner to improve your relationship moving forward. As well as it’s never too early to establish financial goals to promote a healthy relationship. There are three key questions to discuss with your partner about money problems.

  • What did your parents teach you about money?
  • What are your financial goals?
  • What are your fears about money?

Typically the information we have about managing money we learn from our parents. If your parents taught you how to keep track of bills, save money, and credit card management, then you have a good understanding of how to deal with money. Whereas some people had parents who were always late on bills, lost track, didn’t save money, and probably didn’t manage money well. Talk to your partner about financial goals and how you can combine them to fit both your needs. Remember you are a team with your partner and you are working together to improve your financial situation. Discuss the fears you have about money, which is where the money problems could be coming from. Set up a time to sit down and discuss creating a spending plan that works for both of you. Discuss how to divide the finances to help establish a baseline. Additionally, use any money left over to spend quality time as this will help relieve stress about money. Good communication about money problems will improve relationships and help avoid any anxiety/stress. When a couple suffers from anxiety or stress about financial hardship in their relationship, they may benefit from therapy to address the underlying psychological issues.

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or stress about financial hardship, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling and Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) – 368-3700 or (212)-722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

References

Klontz, B., & Gresham, M. (2015). Happy couples: How to avoid money arguments. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/money/conflict

Langabeer, J. (2022, December 7). The psychological impact of money on relationships. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-make-better-choices/202212/the-psychological-impact-money-relationships

Domestic Violence and Sports

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Vector illustration

Domestic Violence and Sports
By: Camillia Ghavami


When we watch sports games many of us feel passionate about whether our teams win or lose. Many find excitement in watching their favorite teams battle it out for the win, others may be terrified.


Tubi’s famous Super Bowl commercial in 2023, that made it seem like someone was changing the channel, is an example of the fear many women live in while watching sports games. Some may have laughed the prank off with their families, while those in more aggressive households were met with terrifying outbursts of violence. One woman described her experience with her boyfriend violently screaming at her to find the remote and then punching a hole in a wall. Another woman who worked at a sports bar described the whole bar screaming profanities at her.

The reaction to this commercial is bringing to light a relationship few know about between sports and domestic violence. More and more studies are showing that there is a relationship between domestic violence and the wins and losses of professional football teams. Empirical analyses show that in the US, there are more domestic violence arrests on Sundays when there are NFL games than on Sundays when there are no games played. This relationship is not just found in the US. In England, domestic violence reports rose by 38% when the national soccer team lost. Even when the team won, domestic violence still rose by 26%. The biggest cause of this rise in domestic violence might have to do with whether the team wins or loses. One study found upset losses (a team loses when it was predicted to win by 4 or more points) led to a 10% increase in domestic violence by men while the rise in violence after other types of losses (like when the games were expected to be close) were small. This rise in violence is even larger when the games are more important.

The problem of domestic abuse is an epidemic that runs rampant in this country. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced any form of physical violence done by an intimate partner. Additionally, 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner. While of course all these instances were not done in reaction to a sports game, imagine if during the next big sports game, famous athletes came together and denounced domestic violence. Maybe this would lead to a new turn in our culture, where the possibility of someone changing the channel during the Super Bowl is not met with violence.


If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

References:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3712874/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-sense-chaos/202009/nfl-losses-are-associated-increased-domestic-violence
https://trinitonian.com/2023/03/02/how-sports-culture-is-connected-to-domestic-violence-and-abuse/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20study%20conducted,when%20no%20games%20are%20played
https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS
https://www.themarysue.com/that-viral-tubi-superbowl-commercial-had-some-real-life-consequences-that-cant-be-ignored/


Relationships & Long Distance: Strategies to Succeed

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Relationships & Long Distance: Strategies to Succeed

By Caroline Buchanan

One of the ultimate tests for a romantic relationship is maintaining the relationship despite the distance. As a result, this could lead to distinct challenges and obstacles. While research from 2018 suggests that couples who live farther than an hour apart tend to break up, at least 60% of partnerships still make their long distance relationship succeed. What are these people probably doing to make it work? The best answer seems to be making the distance work for your relationship, and not working around it (Psych Central). There are strategies that can be implemented to help manage and avoid these common roadblocks.

Strategies:

  • Communication

Your communication method may be the key difference in whether your relationship lasts or falls apart. Phone calls or video calls should be used for heartfelt conversations or heavier discussions. Arguments in text based conversations can lead to misinterpreting the intention behind a message. Use texting mainly for casual contact such as “good morning” and “enjoy your day” type messages.           

  • Acknowledging Fear-based behaviors

 Long distance relationships tend to bring out fears: Fear that the other partner doesn’t care anymore or is going to leave you for someone else. While it’s not uncommon to feel these fears, it is important to recognize these negative thinking patterns. If you are open and clear in your communication with your partner, this may help prevent or subside fears. Let your partner clarify situations that may be bothersome to you.

  • Intimacy

 If you both are comfortable in your relationship, you could imitate the physical connection and enjoy pleasure together by trying erotic conversations, video sex, or phone sex. Make sure you are open and honest about your expectations in engaging in these activities.

While it requires intent and effort, maintaining love in a long-distance relationship is possible. Take the time to think about seeking the help of a mental health professional if you’re experiencing challenges or feeling anxiety in your relationship. This would help you develop specific skills to be able to establish secure bonds.

If you or someone you know is struggling in a long distance relationship, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work

Healthy Romantic Relationships

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Healthy Romantic Relationships

By: Arya Patel

            Healthy romantic relationships have many characteristics to keep the relationship stable. Some important characteristics are mutual respect, good communication, self-confidence, shared responsibility, and problem solving. Mutual respect means that each person values who the other person is and understands the other person’s boundaries. Good communication means having honest conversations and being open to speak about difficult topics. Self-confidence in relationships means when dating partners have confidence in themselves; it can help their relationships with others. It shows that they are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their feeling without judgement.

            Shared responsibility means taking turns doing the different tasks around the house and in any other matter. Some examples are arranging for meals whether for restaurant reservations, take-out, or cooking, making social arrangements with family and friends, plan weekend activities and vacations, walk the dog, take out the trash, clean the house, pay bills, etc. The last characteristic is problem solving. Dating partners can learn to solve problems and identify new solutions by breaking a problem into smaller parts or by talking through the situation.

These are some characteristics which can help to keep relationships stable.

If you or someone you know is struggling with unhealthy romantic relationships, contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Psychotherapy & Psychiatric Services. Contact our Manhattan, NY or Paramus, NJ offices respectively at (201)368-3700 or (212)722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

References:

https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics

https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/sharing-responsibilities-is-there-an-equitable-solution/

Toxic Relationships and their effects on Mental Health

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      Mental Health/ Toxic Relationships

By: Ingrid Guevara

A relationship where the behaviors of one person in the relationship are emotionally and, in some cases physically damaging to the other, is what is defined as a toxic relationship. In a toxic relationship you see behaviors like: constant belittlement, guilt-tripping, extreme jealousy, blaming and using manipulation to fulfill personal desires. Such behaviors take a tremendous toll on a person’s mental health. Toxic relationships lead to decline in self-esteem, energy levels and your overall happiness. Being in a toxic relationship creates feelings of insecurities and self -doubt which also leads the person to live in extreme caution while in the relationship. Realizing that a relationship is toxic is a crucial step in prioritizing and protecting your mental health. Then comes taking steps to setting boundaries, seeking support from loved ones or professionals and engaging in activities that bring you joy, all things that promote healing and personal growth. Always keep in mind that everyone deserves a nurturing and healthy relationship. It is okay to step away from relationships that negatively affect your mental health because your mental health is crucial and should always be put first.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

References:

https://primebehavioralhealth.com/how-toxic-relationships-affect-your-mental-health/#:~:text=Toxic%20relationships%20can%20severely%20affect,navigate%20the%20relationship%20with%20caution.

Shopping Addiction? Can’t Save Money? That May Be A Real Issue

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Shopping Addiction? Can’t Save Money? That May Be A Real Issue

By Erika Ortiz

             Most people like to spend and buy things, but some take that splurging a bit to the max and do it any opportunity possible. Shopping makes some feel good, however; some get this “high” feeling since the brain releases endorphins and dopamine as they shop. It’s one thing to shop while on a budget, while it’s another to shop with no budget in mind. All of the spending, unnecessary buying, and accumulation of debt is an actual issue called shopping addiction. It is imperative to break down shopping addiction and the different types. First, there is impulse buying which is buying something you did not plan on purchasing in the first place. It can range from buying a chocolate bar from the grocery store while waiting in line or buying your 50th pair of shoes. Compulsive buying is when you plan your shopping, but to an extreme and on unnecessary items. Compulsive buying is usually where the shopping addiction behavior occurs most. For example, say you did not do so well on an exam or had a bad day at work, your immediate solution is to go shopping afterward to make yourself feel better. Another type is bargain shoppers who think they are getting a steal price or great deal. They are still spending a lot instead of saving. Finally, there is bulimic shopping or circular shopping. These people buy and return just for fun; even though they are staying within their budget, they are wasting a lot of time and energy.

           Shopping addiction can be due to stress, loneliness, sadness, the need to fill a void, lack of control, avoidance of reality, depression, anxiety, etc. Nonetheless, this is a severe problem that needs an urgent solution because shopping addiction can lead to issues in relationships, growing debt, constant overspending, and even lying about spending. One way to help with this issue is to create a budget and try sticking with it. There are many resources online that can be great budgeting tools. It is critical to immediately get help if you have a very severe case of shopping addiction. Seek a mental health professional who can help you get to the root of the issue and understand what you are going through. Remember that there is hope and you can get through this.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a shopping addiction please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources

https://www.ramseysolutions.com/budgeting/shopping-addiction

The Fear of Commitment

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The Fear of Commitment

By Erika Ortiz

Commitment can occur in any aspect of your life. It is only natural to experience anxiety when there are milestones such as signing a new lease, accepting a job offer, getting engaged or married, etc. However, sometimes the anxiety can revert into something much more severe such as gamophobia which is the fear of commitment. It can prevent or inhibit any opportunity to move forward in life or create a stalemate scenario in a relationship where you love someone. However, it seems as though staying single is becoming the “safe bet” for most people. According to the U.S. Census Bureau of 2022, nearly 50% of Americans are single. Many people are struggling to settle down or find a partner. A lot of people recognize that they do have commitment issues; however, a lot of people do not understand why others have these issues with commitment. Recently, people have been struggling with mental health issues and they often carry that struggle into a relationship which can leave their partner or significant other feeling confused as to why the relationship is the way it is. Some reasons why people nowadays have a fear of commitment are emotional uncertainty, issues with anxiety, past trauma, insecurities, and self-esteem. On the other end of the spectrum, some other reasons can be an underlying or undiagnosed disorder that has gone undetected for which they need to seek professional help. If your significant other is the one who fears commitment, understand that they do not feel this way because they don’t love, value, or care about you. They are dealing with many emotions inside that may be hard to handle. In the meantime, you can respect their boundaries, talk to them, and hear them out. On the other hand, it may be best to accept it and move on. It is also strongly advised to seek professional help and try couples therapy or individual therapy as this can help move things forward.

If you or someone you know is struggling with Mental Health please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources

https://psychcentral.com/blog/fear-of-commitment-or-phobia#what-to-do

https://www.census.gov/newsroom/stories/unmarried-single-americans-week.html

The Courage to Love Again-The Psychology of Heartbreak

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By Kyra Bernardez

The risk of loving someone is the fact that heartbreak may come one day. It is associated with singlehood, neurotic tendencies, and an anxious/avoidant attachment. After the heartbreak one starts the fear being hurt again or/and you start to believe that there is something about you that makes it impossible for someone to love you properly.

Romantic love activates in the caudate nucleus through dopamine.  Psychologist refer to this part of the brain as the “reward system”, emphasizing the idea that love does trigger emotion but essentially it is more of a motivational state, the motivation to obtain and retain the objects affection. This part of the brain lights up when someone is in love and when someone is a cocaine addict, meaning you are essentially an addict. Getting over your lost love will be tedious but well worth it. Researchers have found that if a person was no longer in love but still in pain from a break up their brain would still be in motivation mode, and expecting a reward. Hence why heartbreak can bring visceral pain, your body is not getting what it wants. The grieving person has numerous neural circuits devoted to the lost person, and each of these has to be brought up and reconstructed to take into account the person’s absence.

Specifically, the pain may be caused by the simultaneous hormonal triggering of the sympathetic activation system (fight-or-flight system that increases the activity of the heart and lungs) and the parasympathetic activation system (rest-and-digest response, social engagement system). It’s like heart’s accelerator and brakes are pushed simultaneously, creating the feeling of heartbreak.

What can help?

  • Give yourself time to grieve and reflect
  • Forgive the other person and yourself
  • Work on rebuilding good feelings about yourself and a life on your own
  • Avoid assumptions that keep you mired in the wreckage of your past relationship
  • Be aware of old relationship patterns
  • Be open to someone who is different
  • Give love time to grow

If you or someone you know is seeking therapy due to heartbreak, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202011/love-after-heartbreak

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202011/love-after-heartbreak

Depression: How Does it Affect Relationships

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Depression: How Does it Affect Relationships

By: Jasmyn Cuate

Depression is one of the most common types of mental illness that Americans struggle with each day affecting approximately 1 in 6 Americans. Depression is characterized by feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness, irritability, angry outbursts, or low frustration tolerance, loss of interest in or ability to enjoy usual activities, sleep disturbance, fatigue and lack of energy, appetite disturbance, agitation, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, difficulty concentrating, remembering things, making decisions, recurring thoughts of death, and thoughts of suicide.

Many individuals struggling with depression describe it as living in a heavy fog where you lose clarity about your life, start to have self-doubt, changing the way you view friends, family, and partners as well as how you think they view you.

Although many relationships experience problems, a partner dealing with depression or trying to help their partner overcome depression, may find themselves having more challenges to their relationship. Depression can cause overwhelming emotions such as detachment, distrust, and vulnerability. It can cause the partner to pay little attention to the other partner, be less involved, more irritable, start arguments, and have trouble enjoying time together. Factors such as high levels of conflict, lack of communication, difficulty resolving problems, and withdrawal can lead to depression.

Untreated depression can cause a cycle of self-destructive behaviors that can tear relationships apart. Research has shown that when one member of a couple has depression, there is an impact on the well-being of the other partner as well. In fact, BMC Public Health has found that partners of those with mental illnesses, show signs of anxiety and depression themselves.

If you or someone you know is seeking therapy for depression or experiencing relationship problems due to depression, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit http://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/depression/signs-depression

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/the-warning-signs-that-depression-is-affecting-your-relationship/