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How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss

By: Josette DeFranco

A question you don’t hear enough but should be asked more is “What is grief?” Grief is the terrible pain that accompanies loss. Since grief is a reflection of our love, it can feel suffocating. There is no time limit for healing the pain that comes along with loss. Many individuals try to suppress their pain and agony causing them to feel guilt and stagnant. Many individuals may experience grief in short passes where the feeling of distress and sadness comes and goes. Meanwhile, others may experience grief for a long period, such as months or years. It’s important to remind yourself and others that you can grieve at your own pace.

In addition, children experience grief and loss in many different ways. Children are like sponges; they take in information through observation and learned behavior. Although they are young they have deep feelings and can understand their own emotions more than it is perceived. When children grieve it can be a confusing time for them and parents. Do you tell the truth? Or do you rationalize and give simple answers such as “Grandpa is just sleeping.” Being present with them allows you to grieve as well. When children see that their parents can be vulnerable and compassionate it allows them to express themselves and be who they really are.

Here are a couple of ways to help children cope with grief:

  • You can tell children the truth, even though you might not include all the specific information. Mentioning to them that Grandpa is sleeping may cause them to feel afraid to go to sleep or telling them he is in heaven may make them pack their belongings and find heaven. Be clear, honest, and simple.
  • Allow them to ask questions. You can’t protect them from the truth but you can give them your empathetic support and love.
  • Attending the funeral or keeping children home. Ask your child and allow them to decide. If they say yes, have someone who will be present with them and can keep them occupied in case being around sad adults gets overwhelming. If they say no, you can offer another way to remember or honor the person such as showing pictures or lighting a candle.
  • Give reassurance.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://aristapsychiatrypsychotherapy.com/

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/playful-parenting/202301/how-to-help-children-cope-with-death-and-grief

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-of-grief/201903/when-children-grieve

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief

Depression vs. Grief: Are you depressed or are you just grieving?

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Depression vs. Grief: Are you depressed or are you just grieving?

By, Maro Mikhaeil

Did you experience a loss of some kind, whether it was a loved one, a job, a pet, or even a relationship? Often times, individuals will think that they are experiencing depression when that may not be the case at all. In fact, depression does not solely occur when a traumatic event has occurred but may occur due to genetics or even your environment. However, it may be hard for individuals to distinguish grieving from depression due to the similarities. This is why psychologists or psychiatrists will often ask for your history to determine treatment. Grieving and depression are both characterized by intense feelings of sadness and may have the same cause of trauma and loss. Some individuals may experience both depression and bereavement, commonly known as a process of grief, which causes significant symptoms and functional impairment and is worse than either depression or bereavement alone.

The Differences between Depression and Grief

Depression is characterized by a variety of depressive disorders, such as disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, major depressive disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, substance-induced depressive disorder, medication-induced depressive disorder, and other unspecified and specified depressive disorders. Major depressive disorder is the most common and known type of depressive disorder, as it is the classic condition amongst all the other depressive disorders. It is characterized by depressive episodes that have been occurring for at least 2 weeks and/or longer, which is longer than the grieving process. Major depressive disorder is also more persistent and has more obvious characteristics because individuals will be feeling depressive symptoms everywhere, as opposed to bereavement, which is more of a fluctuating state and varies from person to person. Bereavement entails this grieving process where these negative feelings are accompanied by positive feelings, and as time passes, the wave of negative emotions will spread further and further apart. The grieving process and the associated feelings will also come to an end as the individual fully visualizes their loss through a good recollection rather than a more devastating one.

Treatment options

Despite the differences between the two, major depressive disorder and bereavement are both treatable. Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy, can definitely treat both major depressive disorder and bereavement. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, and anxiolytics can also target the symptoms of major depressive disorder, and people find them useful in conjunction with psychotherapy.

All in all, it’s important to be mindful of all the similarities and differences and to take action when needed. Your mental health is just as important as your health; you should not let it derail your life, as there is a way out. Remember that you are not alone, as individuals all over the world are experiencing what you may be experiencing right now.

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief or depression, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2691160/#:~:text=Most%20bereaved%20individuals%20experience%20intense,both%20bereavement%20and%20major%20depression.

https://www.verywellmind.com/grief-and-depression-1067237

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition by the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-IV)

Grief: Grieving Around the Holidays

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Grief: Grieving Around the Holidays

By Emily Ferrer

As the weather gets colder, the colorful leaves fall off the trees, and the holiday decorations start to light up the night, the feeling of the best time of the year starts to kick in. As merry and cozy as these holidays seem to be, they do not always have the same effect on everyone. Grieving around the holidays can feel extremely lonely, sad, and overwhelming. The first holiday season is always the hardest for individuals and families who have just lost someone close to them, such as a grandparent, parent, sibling, child, or other close relative that they would usually see during the holidays. The empty chair at the dining table during Thanksgiving, or the wonder of who is going to make the Christmas cookies this year can be extremely heartbreaking. Even after you feel as if you have started to feel better through your grieving process, the holidays can dig up more emotion than you have felt since losing your loved one. You may start to feel more down, tired, unmotivated, sluggish, and lonely. You may also start to get flashbacks of your loved one when they passed that may also make you feel as if you are grieving from the beginning all over again. As hard as the holiday season may be for grieving individuals and families, here are some tips to help make your holiday season a bit brighter this year[1]:

  • Surround yourself with people you love and care about. Being with a big group of people during the holidays after losing a loved one can help you feel less lonely and can also be a great opportunity to share stories about your loved one with your family.
  • Do not “cancel” the holiday. As tempting as it may be to forget about the holidays after losing your loved one it is important to keep it going and grieve along the way. Experiencing the holiday season after the death of a loved one is part of the grieving process from which you should not run away.
  • Create new traditions. Finding new traditions can also be a create way to cope during the holiday season. This can include changing the location of where holiday dinner is hosted, picking new family members to carve the turkey or make the Christmas cookies, or even coming up with a new holiday game to play to fill the emptiness that everyone may feel.
  • Practice self-care. Try not to indulge in alcohol or drugs during the holiday season to cope with your grief; instead, try journaling, spending time with friends, or physical activity to boost your mood. It is also important to let yourself feel any emotions that arise and to not fight the conflicting feelings of anger, sadness, joy, and happiness.
  • Seek professional help. It is important to be aware of your feelings during such a difficult time and recognize that if the holiday season is too much for you to handle to seek professional help to assist you during this challenging period.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief this holiday season and wants help, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources:

[1] https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/holidays-and-grief/coping-with-grief-during-the-holidays

Grief: When to Seek Grief Counseling

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Grief: When to Seek Grief Counseling

By: Julissa Acebo


The five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are normal. When grief becomes unbearable, therapy can help ease the pain and help you progress.


10 signs that indicate you should seek grief counseling:

  1. You’re having suicidal thoughts and/or persistent feelings of depression.
  2. You’re experiencing ongoing symptoms of distress, such as crying, insomnia, loss of appetite, increased irritability, anger, and panic attacks.
  3. Struggling to complete everyday tasks, including basic self-care.
  4. You frequent familiar places, hoping to see your departed loved one there, or avoid locations and situations that may remind you of your loss.
  5. You’re abusing substances like alcohol or drugs, or engaging in addictive behaviors, like gambling.
  6. You’re withdrawn and avoiding social interaction.
  7. You have no support system.
  8. You’re feeling bereavement guilt, possibly blaming yourself for your loved one’s death or grappling with regret about your relationship with the deceased.
  9. You’ve “moved on” a little too well.
  10. Grief interferes with your work.

How grief counseling can help:

  • Allows you to express your emotions
  • Help you address any feelings of guilt you may harbor
  • Help you come to terms with your new reality
  • Help you deal with your trauma

If you or someone you know is experiencing Unbearable Grief please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources:
https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/grief-counseling-therapy-definition-what-is/
5 Signs That You Might Need Grief Counseling

https://www.gwic.com/Education-Center/Grief-Support/13-signs-you-should-seek-grief-counseling

Grief: Losing a Parent to Suicide

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Grief: Losing a Parent to Suicide

By Emily Ferrer

Suicidal thoughts are one of the most dreadful experiences one can go through and it is even more dreadful when the act of suicide is carried out by someone you love. The impact of suicidal thoughts on an individual is grueling, painful, and terrifying. However, many people tend to forget about the terrifying and painful part that the individual’s family and friends go through as well. The attention around suicide is always so focused on the suicidal individual that many people forget about the impact it can have on their loved ones. In fact, have you ever thought about losing a parent to suicide? It may seem horrifying and extraordinary; but it is more common than you think. Individuals who are at most risk to die by suicide are adults over the age of 45. More specifically, women are most at risk between the ages of 45-54 and men are most at risk ages 85 and older[1]. Many people may find this shocking, as the media portrays suicide rates to be the most high in adolescents and teens, but this is just not the case. Older individuals usually have undiagnosed or untreated depression and anxiety, a lack of frequent social interactions, suffer from underlying illnesses that may increase their attempt to be more successful, and/or suffer from chronic illnesses that may increase their depression and anxiety[2].

As saddening as these statistics are, it is even worse to see that between 7,000 and 12,000 children lose a parent to suicide every year[3]. It is devastating for children to experience such a traumatic event in their lives, especially someone they loved, admired, and relied on unconditionally. Losing a parent to suicide is not like normal grief that you experience after losing someone to a physical illness or accident. Losing a parent to suicide is grieving on steroids. “Grief comes in waves and grief from suicide comes in tsunami waves”, is great quote that explains how dreadful suicide grief can feel. Children of parents who died by suicide can experience an enormous range of emotions that can cause them to feel very confused. These emotions include[4]:

  • Shock                              – Panic                                       – Despair
  • Confusion                       – Intense anger                          – Disgust
  • Denial                             – Intense sadness                      – Feelings of abandonment or rejection

It is important to know that losing a parent to suicide is extremely unfortunate and traumatic. The emotions tied to suicide grief are understandable and completely normal. Staying close to family and friends during such a difficult time is crucial and can enormously help with healing. It is also critical to feel the emotions you experience and to not turn them away as it is a part of the healing process. Seeking professional help if you are feeling overwhelmed with these emotions or experiencing them for a long time is also is a good way to heal in the healthiest way possible.

If you or someone you know is grieving a lost one due to suicide, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com

Sources:

[1] https://www.samhsa.gov/suicide/at-risk#:~:text=Adults%20Over%20the%20Age%20of%2045&text=Eighty%20percent%20of%20all%20deaths,and%20access%20to%20lethal%20means.

[2] https://www.prb.org/resources/in-u-s-who-is-at-greatest-risk-for-suicides/

[3] https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/children_who_lose_a_parent_to_suicide_more_likely_to_die_the_same_way#:~:text=In%20the%20United%20States%2C%20each,to%20suicide%2C%20the%20researchers%20estimate.

[4] https://psychcentral.com/lib/an-open-letter-to-children-who-lose-a-parent-to-suicide#mental-health-effects

Suicide: What is Suicide Grief?

GalleryJudy Gurfein Leave a comment

Suicide: What is Suicide Grief

By Lynette Rivas

At some point in almost everyone’s life, they will experience losing a loved one, which can then be followed by grief. But what about losing your loved one to suicide? This type of grief is known as suicide grief, where an individual feels both despair and guilt after losing a loved one to suicide.

It is important to note that not everyone experiences grief in the same way or for the same amount of time. The intensity and the complexity of grief are determined by the relationship with the person that died, how the death occurred, any existing coping strategies, and if support is available. 

Suicide grief can be a period of intense emotions for some people. These include emotions such as shock, guilt, anger, confusion, and/or despair. These emotions can even be accompanied by nightmares, flashbacks, social withdrawal, difficulty concentrating, and/or loss of interest. Anyone that is experiencing grief should keep in mind that it is important to:

  • Keep in touch – reaching out to loved ones, friends, and spiritual leaders
  • Grieve in your own manner – everyone does not grieve in the same way
  • Do not rush yourself – grieving can be as short as a few days to as long as a couple of months

If the grief is too much to bear and becomes too intense, then it is time to turn to a mental health provider for help. Unresolved grief can become difficult over time to the point where the individual is no longer able to go back to their normal life. If the individual thinks that they might be unusually depressed, it is important that they seek professional mental health help.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ or Manhattan, NY offices respectively at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://www.counselingpsychotherapynjny.com/

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/suicide/art-20044900

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/after-a-suicide-loss/suicide-and-grief#:~:text=Grief%20in%20response%20to%20suicide,the%20stigma%20associated%20with%20suicide.

Image Source:

https://time.com/6117708/grief-isolation/