How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss
By: Josette DeFranco
A question you don’t hear enough but should be asked more is “What is grief?” Grief is the terrible pain that accompanies loss. Since grief is a reflection of our love, it can feel suffocating. There is no time limit for healing the pain that comes along with loss. Many individuals try to suppress their pain and agony causing them to feel guilt and stagnant. Many individuals may experience grief in short passes where the feeling of distress and sadness comes and goes. Meanwhile, others may experience grief for a long period, such as months or years. It’s important to remind yourself and others that you can grieve at your own pace.
In addition, children experience grief and loss in many different ways. Children are like sponges; they take in information through observation and learned behavior. Although they are young they have deep feelings and can understand their own emotions more than it is perceived. When children grieve it can be a confusing time for them and parents. Do you tell the truth? Or do you rationalize and give simple answers such as “Grandpa is just sleeping.” Being present with them allows you to grieve as well. When children see that their parents can be vulnerable and compassionate it allows them to express themselves and be who they really are.
Here are a couple of ways to help children cope with grief:
- You can tell children the truth, even though you might not include all the specific information. Mentioning to them that Grandpa is sleeping may cause them to feel afraid to go to sleep or telling them he is in heaven may make them pack their belongings and find heaven. Be clear, honest, and simple.
- Allow them to ask questions. You can’t protect them from the truth but you can give them your empathetic support and love.
- Attending the funeral or keeping children home. Ask your child and allow them to decide. If they say yes, have someone who will be present with them and can keep them occupied in case being around sad adults gets overwhelming. If they say no, you can offer another way to remember or honor the person such as showing pictures or lighting a candle.
- Give reassurance.
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please contact our psychotherapy offices in New York or New Jersey to talk to one of our licensed professional psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, or psychotherapists at Arista Counseling & Psychotherapy. Contact our Paramus, NJ, or Manhattan, NY offices respectively, at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. For more information, please visit https://aristapsychiatrypsychotherapy.com/
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-of-grief/201903/when-children-grieve
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief
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