In the world of relationships, balance is one of the core key factors to a successful one. Unfortunately in an emotionally abusive relationship, the healthy balance of trust, communication and fairness is deeply disturbed. There is a dominating partner who has manipulative tendencies and a submissive partner who has codependent tendencies. The manipulative partner usually tries to have total power by controlling the victim’s actions, thoughts, and emotions. Often victims do not even realize that they are being manipulated. The victims of these relationships need to be what the manipulators want them to be or they will deal with emotionally damaging consequences.
There are five main signs that can help you determine if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:
- The manipulator makes you feel guilty for things you should not feel guilty about. He will make you feel guilty for actions that you should not feel guilty about so you will be more likely to do what he asks. For example, he would make you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends instead of with him. Of course it is normal for your significant other to want to spend quality time with you, but an abuser will see your other close relationships as threats and prevent you from having them.
- The manipulator makes you doubt yourself by making you feel bad. He will be point out your weaknesses and insecurities and tell you how he can do things better. He will say condescending comments or try to put you down. If you are insecure, have low self-esteem or are in a state of self-doubt, you will eventually believe in everything he says. By trying to convince you that his way is better, he is trying to control you. He will make you think he is thinking about what is best for you, but in reality, he is only thinking about himself.
- The manipulator will use his insecurities in order to get what he wants from you. He will tell you all the past suffering he has been through with past relationships to define the current one. For example, he will tell you that he has been cheated on and lied to, so he will ask you to understand that you cannot have any male friends. Does that make sense to you? You are not the cheater, his past girlfriends were. It is understandable that he is insecure, but his past should not define what you can and cannot do in the present.
- The manipulator will give ultimatums to prove your love and loyalty to him. He will give you the “if you love me you will do this” statement because if don’t do what he wants, you do not truly love him. As a result of these crazy requests, you will ultimately abandon your wants and feelings to please your partner’s. A healthy relationship is based on compromise and reasoning, not accommodating to everything your abusive partner wants.
- The manipulator will threaten himself or others when everything else fails. When you do not comply with any of his manipulative requests, he will resort to harming himself to force you to do what he wants. Extreme manipulators that show these harmful qualities may need to seek professional help from psychotherapists and counselors.
If you feel like these warning signs may apply to your situation with your significant other, it is strongly recommended that you reconsider the relationship or seek marriage or relationship counseling. If you or a loved one live in Manhattan or Bergen County New Jersey and might be suffering from psychological abuse and manipulation, the psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners amd psychotherapists at Arista Counseling can assist you. Contact our Bergen County, NJ or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists at (201) 368-3700 or (212) 722-1920 to set up an appointment. Visit http://www.acenterfortherapy.com for more information